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Strong Families: 5 Tips for Multigenerational Living

The D’Amour family is part of a growing trend. More than 57 million Americans live in multigenerational households, according to the Pew Research Center. With several age groups under one roof, there are bound to be strains. There are also ways to make multigenerational living a positive experience. Home Instead Senior Care worked with a team of experts to develop these tips:

Communication is the key. Before combining households, discuss everything from chores to bills to privacy. What are you concerned about? What are you looking forward to? Each family member should give their input.

Be money wise. Does moving in together make sense financially? Home Instead Senior Care and Adriane Berg, author of 13 books on personal finance, created a calculator to help families make an informed decision. Go to caregiverstress.com/moneywise to use this tool.

Share expenses like roommates if the senior is of sound mind and can afford to contribute. “Write two checks to the mortgage company, for instance, or alternate paying the mortgage each month,” Berg suggests.

Make the home safe for all ages. Dan Bawden, founder of the Certified Aging-in-Place Specialist program for the National Association of Home Builders, recommends these affordable measures: Replace doorknobs with lever handles. Switch to low-pile carpet (easier to clean and safer for walkers and wheelchairs). Install grab bars in the shower and tub.

Set expectations and boundaries, advises Penn State’s Matthew Kaplan, Ph.D., an expert on intergenerational programs. Responsibilities should be clear—put them in writing, if needed—so everyone understands how they fit into the household. Think of boundaries not as rigid rules but as loving limits. Meet regularly to make sure things are still working. Be honest and don’t let resentment build up.

“Address issues when they arise,” Kaplan says. “Ask yourself, ‘What can we do to come together and figure things out?’”

Get the help you need. Ask adult siblings to chip in. If you’re considering professional respite care, contact Home Instead Senior Care at (866) 996-1085 or homeinstead.com/guideposts for a free consultation. The IRS’s Tax Counseling for the Elderly program offers free tax help. For legal advice, try the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys’ attorney locator at naela.org.

For more tips on multigenerational living, search intergenerational at caregiverstress.com.

Family Stories to Last a Lifetime

Did you know that November is National Family Stories Month? I didn’t until recently. Sharing funny or sweet family stories is so much fun, and I always like to think of those memories as the glue that binds our families together.

My Aunt Bernadette is responsible for many of my best family memories, and I wish every child was blessed enough to have an aunt just like her.

Aunt Bernadette celebrating a birthday with her daughter, Jeanne.One of the oft-repeated family stories goes back to the days when Aunt Bernadette was a Girl Scout leader. They’d taken the girls to rustic cabins for an overnighter. Aunt Bernadette woke up early the next morning. It was still dark in the cabin, but she eased out of bed so she could get herself together before the girls woke up.

Without any light, she felt through her belongings until she found her toothbrush and toothpaste. Plopping a generous dollop onto the toothbrush, she began brushing her teeth, and then realized she had a mouth full of first aid cream.

She twisted the handle on the faucet–only to discover that the water was frozen. Still in the dark and spluttering first aid cream, she frantically searched until she found her mouthwash. She took a big gulp–and then made the discovery that she’d found her Chanel Number 5 instead. At least she smelled great that day. Hahaha!

Another favorite Aunt Bernadette story happened at Christmas many years ago. She always bought tons of gifts for her four children and for everyone else she loved. Seriously, the stacks of packages under the tree were impressive. But one year as she wrapped presents, Aunt Bernadette decided she could remember whose gifts were in each box.

Um . . . no. But, oh my, that was one of the most fun Christmases I can ever remember as male family members opened bottles of perfume and dolls and women opened boxes of men’s socks and sporting goods. I have such sweet memories of the laughter that day as everyone tried to figure out the rightful owners of the gifts.

But the stories don’t end there. They’re woven throughout my heart and the fabric of my life. You see, besides many of the funny memories, Aunt Bernadette has provided me with stories and lessons about how to live my life.

She taught me how to bake a roast and make gravy, how to parallel park, and how to fold those oh-so-troublesome bottom sheets.

She showed me what a real home was like–one where love abounded, where fresh-from-the-oven cookies greeted you when you walked in the door, where everyone received such a warm welcome that they felt like they were part of the family–even if they weren’t.

Aunt Bernadette just turned 89, and I’d like to say something to this special lady. “Happy Birthday, Aunt Bernadette! Thank you for providing me with enough love, laughter and family stories to last a lifetime.

What stories can you share with your family today?

Dear Lord, thank You for the oh-so-special gift of family. Help us to cherish the precious moments that You give us. As we write the stories of our lives, help us to remember the importance of family and that the moments we spend together today are the memories we’ll cherish tomorrow. Amen.

Stars Go Dim Singer Found Hope Through Adoption

“There’s always a new beginning.”

That’s the message in the first major studio album from Stars Go Dim, according to singer Michael Cleveland. Now in stores, the self-titled 14-track effort explores the power of hope in God, despite circumstances. Cleveland discovered the power of hope first-hand.

In the early years of his marriage, the musician and his wife Natalie experienced multiple miscarriages.

“I’ve never had a worse feeling in my life then when those things were happening,” he tells Guideposts.org. “It was just devastating.”

It was also very confusing. There was no reason the couple shouldn’t have been able to carry a child to term. Both young, healthy adults, doctors were clueless as to why Cleveland and his wife continued to miscarry.

In 2012, on their drive back home to Kansas City after spending Christmas with Cleveland’s family in Oklahoma, his wife mentioned an idea the two had talked about while they were dating.

“My wife said, ‘You know, I really think this would be the right time to look at adoption; is that something you’re open to?’ “I was like, ‘Absolutely, I’ve been open to this for years.’”

For the rest of the three and a half hour trip, as Cleveland drove, his wife researched everything she could on the adoption process in their home state. They began taking state mandated classes, meeting other hopeful parents-to-be and forming a community of people to support them on their journey.

“Once a kid reaches three years old, their adoption chances drop significantly,” Cleveland learned while researching adoptions in Kansas. “If they’re a sibling set, [it’s unlikely] they’ll ever be adopted.” Upon learning this, the Clevelands felt called to adopt older children and hopefully siblings.

The pair thought it would be years before they could add to their family, but a few months after they finished their adoption classes, they received a call. Two sisters, four and five years old, needed a home. Their mom had left when the youngest was born and their father was in and out of prison.

On Father’s Day 2013, Cleveland and his wife picked the girls up from the foster home they’d been living in, went before a judge and, the next evening, brought their daughters home to have dinner as a family for the first time.

Adjusting to their new life wasn’t easy.

The girls came from an abusive past where they would often be left for days with no food and no one to take care of them. “We had no idea what we were doing,” the singer said.

At the suggestion of a family therapist, Cleveland and his wife came up with a way to make their new daughters feel safe, loved and in control of their environment.

“We gave them giant Ziploc baggies full of cereal that they could hold on to,” Cleveland says. “With most kids, you give them a giant bag of Fruit Loops and they’re going to just devour it. But the girls never opened it. They were so afraid that the next meal may not come. It just became this security thing for them.”

Cleveland’s wife took one of the walls in the family’s kitchen and turned it into a chalkboard where she planned meals for each day of the week. Once the girls began to trust that the Clevelands would be taking care of them and their meals, they felt comfortable and confident in their new home.

Two years later, the couple learned the happy news that they were expecting a new baby. Fearful that they would miscarry again, Cleveland and his wife held onto the news for months.

“I don’t think I’ve ever prayed like that in my life,” the singer says. “We had gone through this so many times we didn’t want to get attached to a baby we weren’t ever going to see.”

Thankfully they were blessed with a healthy pregnancy and the birth of another beautiful little girl. It’s given Cleveland’s older daughters the chance to truly feel a part of a family unit.

“When we got them, the word ‘family’ had such a bad connotation to them,” Cleveland says. “We don’t really use the word ‘family’ at our house. Instead we talk about being on Team Cleveland, that being on Team Cleveland is a great place to be. There’s no getting off of Team Cleveland.”

And the musician admits, as wonderful as the success of his band and their music is, nothing measures up to the value his “team” brings to his life.

“I’m so appreciative and honored to be out on tour and to get to do the things we’re getting to do,” Cleveland says. “[But] other than Jesus Christ Himself, there is nothing more important to [me] than [my] wife and kids.”

Spiritual and Meaningful Themes for Showers

The showers you’ll never forget will not be the ones where you got a lot of gifts but the ones where something personal and emotional took place.

I’m going to share with you three ideas that made memorable showers—two that were given for me and one that I gave for a friend.

The Scripture Shower
There is a married couple I’ve known for fifteen years who are the essence of blissful marital happiness. They finish each other’s sentences, they call each other “pal,” and they have finally started to look like each other.

They have the incredible gift of still being able to amuse and fascinate each other after nearly two decades of marriage, two children, and many ups and downs in their careers. They surely must have disagreements, but they are obviously soul mates.

And they are the ones who knew instinctively that, more than material gifts, Jon and I needed wisdom and good advice from friends who “have been there.”

This creative couple hosted a shower for us where all the guests were married couples. At first, it did seem like a typical shower because the guests had bought and wrapped kitchen gadgets and utensils to give to us.

But the secret ingredient in each package was a slip of paper upon which the couple had written a favorite quotation from the Bible.

Everyone took turns sharing the personal story behind each scripture and how it had helped, encouraged, or guided them in their marriage. It was terribly moving to have such an honest exchange and to receive gifts that would truly last a lifetime.

As a result of that evening, Jon and I started our marriage with a personal collection of verses from God’s Word from people who had succeeded in their own marriages. Not only were they mounted in a beautiful book for us, but many of the scriptures from the shower became part of our wedding ceremony.

One is inscribed on the inside of Jon’s wedding ring: “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Wine-and-Book Shower
On this occasion, the hostess asked each guest to bring a well-loved book and a bottle of wine. Some books were new, some rare and used, some came straight from a friend’s own bookshelf.

As I unwrapped each book, the friend who gave it presented an informal “book report” to the rest of us, explaining why it meant so much to her and why she wanted me to have it.

There was a first edition of a work by Edna St. Vincent Millay. Another was an out-of-print book one friend decided to part with so I could have it. There was a beloved children’s book, a brand-new best-seller, a tiny book of prayers.

I now have a library of special books that I will cherish forever, each with a tender inscription from a dear friend.

As for the wine, we shared some of it while toasts were made during that festive get-together. The rest of the vintages went home with me to age and be opened on anniversaries to come, when Jon and I would make some toasts of our own.

Scrapbook Shower
I gave this shower for my friend Robin and her husband, John. I got the idea from the recently popular custom of asking party guests to bring a note or card to be included in a scrapbook.

It occurred to me that it would be a lot more fun and more meaningful to have the creative stuff go on during the shower rather than before. I bought a big scrapbook, plus all sorts of decorative potpourri such as stickers and ribbon, glue, glitter, felt-tip markers, magazines to cut up, etc. I also had cameras, film, and a printer.

Everyone at the party just sat around and talked about memories and wrote them down. We snapped pictures of each other, and people got creative in making their pages look special.

It was a warm and happy evening for all of us, and a marvelous icebreaker as people got to know each other while sharing the scissors! And now Robin and John have a one-of-a-kind memento.

Ideas to Ponder
When friends offer to give you a shower, you may want to suggest that they share the responsibility with other friends who are also hoping to host showers for you. This can help financially as well.

My friends did this, and as a result, I had three large, very different showers. They were divided into three categories: friends from work, old friends, and new friends. It worked beautifully. Each one had a very unique tone, and no one felt obligated to attend more than one.

I kept the ribbons from my showers and made them into a bouquet. I carried it, with all its memories of my beloved friends and their best wishes, down the aisle at the dress rehearsal. It has survived much better than my actual wedding-day bouquet, and I still treasure it.

Whenever I have hosted a shower, I have always asked the guests to go around in a circle, introduce themselves, and tell the rest of the group how they know the bride.

It has invariably become a deeply emotional part of the shower. At my own, I recall great laughter and many happy tears as my girlfriends reminded me of all we had shared over the years.

If you don’t have a Scripture Shower, you may still want to create a book of marriage-related scriptures to include in your ceremony or simply to consult over the years. Here are a few from our own book:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5,6)

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14)

We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

And now, brothers, as I close this letter, let me say this one more thing: Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about. (Philippians 4:8)

…Don’t urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me. (Ruth 1:16,17)

May God who gives patience, steadiness, and encouragement help you to live in complete harmony with each other—each with the attitude of Christ toward the other. And then all of us can praise the Lord together with one voice, giving glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 15:5,6)

If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all His commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God: You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock, the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed. You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out. The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven. The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to.The Lord your God will bless you in the land He is giving you. The Lord will establish you as His holy people, as He promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the Lord your God and walk in His ways. (Deuteronomy 28:1-9)

And the Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you in drought and dry places and make strong your bones. And you shall be like a watered garden and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not. (Isaiah 58:11)

I thank God for every remembrance of you. (Philippians 1:3)

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)

Write It Out
Preparing yourself for your wedding and your marriage is not just about the future, but about making sure you don’t lose the friendships you’ve developed in the past. Showers are one way of connecting with the important people in your life. They can be occasions when you remember good times as well as the troubled moments when you were there for each other.

But in this mobile society, not all of your friends can gather in a room to spend an evening with you. Why not reach out to all those who are close in spirit but far away in miles? Send an e-mail, send a fax, or send a letter. You can even have a shower “online” or a conference-call shower.

Remember, it’s not about unwrapping gifts, it’s about reaffirming friendships. It’s an important rite of passage on your way to your wedding. Make a list of people who may not be able to attend a shower but with whom you want to connect before the wedding.

Say It Out Loud
Dear God,

Thank You so much for my friends, for the memories we have made, for the tears we have shared, and for their support as I prepare to marry. Bless the times we will share in the coming weeks. Remind us that every good friendship is a miracle and that miracles come from You. Thank You.

Amen.

Spike’s Secret to Success

I stood on the front porch, finger poised at the doorbell.

Just what am I letting myself in for here? I wondered.

I’d never been to Brian’s house before. Friends at church had set us up and I liked him right away. We’d had our first date a few weeks before—an afternoon coffee that we extended to dinner. We had so much in common—similar upbringings, the same love of faith and family. We were both in our late thirties and, more to the point, we’d both had disappointing first marriages. Mine had ended almost a decade earlier. Brian had been divorced two years. I thought we’d been given the miraculous gift of a second chance.

There was one hiccup: Spike, Brian’s seven-year-old rat terrier. I hadn’t met Spike yet, but I might as well have. Brian spoke of him often. “He was my security blanket through the divorce,” Brian explained on our first date. “You’ll love him. Trust me.”

Well, I liked dogs, but what was I supposed to say when Brian told me Spike might be so excited to see me he’d pee on my leg? Or that I shouldn’t worry if there were pauses in our conversation because he had to throw Spike’s squeaky toy? “I wouldn’t want him to feel left out,” Brian said. Hmm, I thought. Who’s going to feel left out?

I pushed the bell. Footsteps. Scrabbling paws. The door opened. “Hi!” Brian said. A black-and-white streak raced around my ankles, sniffing every inch of my shoes. I held my breath. No accidents. Spike looked up, his tail wagging a hundred miles an hour. A toy frog dangled from his mouth. Spike gave the frog a squeeze. Squeak.

“He likes you!” Brian exclaimed. “Come on in.” Brian got to work on dinner—shrimp and rice. Spike positioned himself between us in the kitchen. “How are your classes going?” Brian asked. I’m an elementary-school teacher. I was about to answer when Spike gave his frog another squeeze. Squeak.

“Hang on,” said Brian. He took the toy from Spike’s mouth and hurled it into the living room. Spike rocketed past and a moment later returned, frog clenched between his jaws. “What a good dog you are!” Brian said, laughing. I started talking about a student of mine. The frog whizzed by again. Spike’s paws clattered on the floor. Squeak. “What was that, Amy?” Brian asked. He threw the toy again.

By the time dinner was done we hadn’t gotten much past “hello.” Maybe Brian was nervous, I thought. I sure was! Yet, coming to his house made me realize just how much I wanted this relationship to work.

For years I’d been telling myself I didn’t mind being single. But, really, part of me was still just as hurt as I was that day my husband turned to me out of the blue and said, “Amy, I don’t want to be married anymore.” How long had he thought that? How long had I fooled myself into thinking he loved me? Could I ever trust love again? I looked at Brian across the table. He was busy feeding Spike some rice from his plate. Was I fooling myself about this relationship too?

We finished dinner and sat on the sofa to watch a movie. I caught a glimpse of Brian’s bedroom. Typical bachelor. Bed unmade, sheets everywhere. “Spike loves pulling the comforter off,” Brian laughed. “He hides toys in it and then digs them out.” I didn’t say anything, but I could almost feel myself pulling back. Spike wedged himself between us on the sofa and gave me a look. Brian stroked Spike’s head. I couldn’t help wishing that he’d put that hand over mine. When I finally stood to go, Brian gave me a hug. Spike emitted a low growl. Brian pulled away. “It’s okay, buddy,” he said. “It’s just Amy.”

We said goodnight and I drove back home. I was already asking myself if I, a self-proclaimed neat freak, could ever be okay with a dog who pulled covers off the bed, or with the little white hairs that coated every piece of furniture in Brian’s house.

Brian and I continued dating. I kept hoping the Brian I liked—handsome Brian with the great sense of humor and solid values—would somehow triumph over Brian, the obsessed owner of Spike. When we were at his house I hardly had a moment alone with him. He continually threw the toy for Spike. The dog came with us on trips, sticking his little head blissfully out the car window. And of course conversations were always accompanied by the squeaky-toy soundtrack. Brian began saying ominous things like, “Boy, if we ever got married it sure would be hard to kick Spike out of bed. What do you think about sleeping with a dog?” I told Brian I didn’t like the sound of that at all, but my words never seemed to register.

The breaking point came one late summer Sunday. We’d been dating five months by then. After church we went to Brian’s house to watch a movie. We dozed off on the sofa. A strange sensation on my chest woke me. I opened my eyes. Spike stood there, nose to nose with me, his mouth open, panting. He stared at me. Not a “please play fetch with me” kind of stare. More like, “I was here first. Remember that. I come with the deal.”

That was it. I heaved Spike off me and stood up. “Brian,” I said, startling him awake. “I want this to work, but I really need there to be some limits on Spike. Sometimes I feel there’s not enough room here for both him and me.”

I paused, hoping Brian would say the words I’d been longing to hear him say for months—“Amy, I had no idea; of course we’ll do something about Spike. I’d do anything for you!” But he didn’t say that. He mumbled the same old stuff about Spike being his best friend and always there for him. “Just take me home,” I said.

Brian didn’t even try to call right away. Good, I thought. I busied myself getting my classroom ready for the new school year. Marching around putting up posters, I thought of one outrage after another. The way Brian’s eyes lit up for Spike but not for me. All the times he petted Spike and didn’t even caress my hand. The dog toys all over the house! Spike begging at the table…and sleeping in the bed!

When the phone finally did ring I let the machine pick up. “Amy, I’m sorry,” Brian said. “Can we see each other again? I really want to explain. I think we can work this out.” I didn’t return the call. Brian left several more messages and sent e-mails. Finally I relented and agreed to meet him after church.

My expectations weren’t high. “Amy, what do I have to say to convince you? We’ll train Spike together.”

Cautiously I agreed. A few days later I was back at Brian’s house for dinner. The dog toys, I noticed, were put away and Spike kept to himself, gnawing on his frog toy in the hall. Once I caught him looking at me, his head cocked. “Don’t go away,” his liquid brown eyes now seemed to say. “He needs you.”

That night Brian made a surprising announcement. “I have to go out of town for a week for work,” he said. “What if you took Spike and started his training yourself?” I jumped at the chance. At last I’d see whether Spike really could change.

The first night didn’t go so well. I made a bed for Spike on my sofa and put up a baby gate blocking the stairs to my bedroom. Spike whined all night. I sat at the top of the stairs and reassured him. The next night he whined less. Even less the night after that. During the day I played fetch with him. When I firmly told him it was time for a break he flopped down on the sofa beside me. At dinner my refusals to let him beg seemed to work—mostly.

On our last night together we sat on the sofa watching TV. I looked down at Spike. We’d played a fast game of fetch and he was worn out. It felt good to have his warm little body tucked next to mine, I had to admit. I thought of all the years Spike and Brian had been together. All the games of fetch they’d played, the nights they’d spent listening to each other breathe. Suddenly a powerful emotion swept over me. Here, lying next to me, was a living image of the kind of love I’d yearned for from Brian. Openhearted, unconditional love. Love I could rely on. I’d spent the past decade mistrusting that kind of love. So much so that maybe I’d grown unwilling to give it myself.

Spike’s love is a little like your love, isn’t it, Lord? I knew God loved me without limits. And deep in my heart I longed to trust love again, to give of myself completely. Well, it was time. I picked Spike up and gave him a big hug. He sighed contentedly.

Brian came home from his trip and things went great. We married a few months later. That was five years ago. Spike’s older now—he’s 12. He has bouts of pain at night, so we don’t let him sleep alone. That’s right, Spike sleeps in our bed. Now I want to be close to him if he needs us in the night.

I thought Spike was going to pull Brian and me apart. Instead, he ended up bringing us together. Funny how that works, when you have faith and open your heart.

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Spanky

Fumbling with my umbrella in one hand and Spanky’s leash in the other, I tried to nudge the front door to my cabin closed with my shoulder. Ow. The rain didn’t do much for my usual morning aches and pains, but Spanky needed his walk.

That’s one of the good things about having a dog, I suppose, especially if you live alone. A dog makes you get up and get going every day. These days, though, Spanky and I were definitely feeling our ages. It took us a while to get moving.

The rain was coming down in sheets. All of a sudden something made Spanky tug. I lost hold of the wet leash. I reached over and tried to pick it up off the ground. No use. Next thing I knew Spanky was trotting down the road.

I couldn’t run after him; I was still sore from a fall down the basement steps a couple of days earlier. “Spanky, come back!” I yelled. “You’re going to get hurt!” That was the last I saw of him. He disappeared into the nearby woods.

I doubted he’d even heard me yell. At 15, his hearing was nearly as bad as his eyesight. Some days he needed me to lead him to his water bowl.

He frequently ran into cabinets, the sofa, chairs. He couldn’t even get down off of my bed in the morning without help. What would he do all alone in those woods?

I limped home, got into my car and drove up and down the road, calling Spanky’s name out the window while the wiper blades slapped out a hard rhythm on the windshield. There was no sign of him.

I thought back to when I’d found him on a roadside nine years earlier. He was clearly a stray, thin and filthy, dodging cars near a local dairy farm. I pulled over and got out. Close up I saw that his shaggy fur was matted with cow dung and covered with ticks.

Still, it was love at first sight. This guy needs me, I thought.

I tried luring him to get into the car, but he wouldn’t come. So I went home and got some food to bring back.

Every day after that, I’d toss him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a Moon Pie on my way to and from work. And every day at 7:00 a.m. and again at 4:30 p.m., Spanky waited for me at the intersection of Route 52 and Happy Hollow.

One day I couldn’t stand it any longer. I bought a 16-inch pizza with pepperoni and double cheese. This’ll get his attention. I put it on the front passenger seat, stopped at our meeting place and leaned over to push open the door. Spanky jumped right in, and I took him home.

The vet who checked him out told me that Spanky had been abused. “But we’ll get him fixed up,” she said.

“Any idea what breed he is?” I asked.

“Looks like he’s a terrier and sheepdog mix.” I pressed her to be more specific. “The best I can tell, he’s a TV dog,” she said. “You know, like the ones you see on TV all the time, but you never know quite what they are. One thing’s for sure, he’s a lucky dog.”

Maybe. But I was blessed. The Lord had sent me Spanky for a reason–several reasons.

Spanky never left my side. He was with me while I nursed my broken heart after my marriage of 25 years ended. He understood my wordless grief after both my parents died. I confided in him about everything.

I’d laughed at the “Over the Hill” party my coworkers threw for me on my 50th birthday, but when I got home it was Spanky I opened up to. “I’m scared of growing old and being all alone,” I’d told him. “Don’t ever leave me.”

The day I took that tumble down the basement steps, Spanky came running to my side and licked my face.

Lord, you’ve got to help me find him! By afternoon I was losing hope. If a car comes, he’ll never be able to get out of the way in time. I knew I should go home, but I couldn’t bear the thought of walking into an empty house. But I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.

I pulled into my driveway. Once again I begged God to help, this time out loud. “You gave him to me, Lord. Don’t take him away now.” I walked up to my cabin, feeling more down and alone that I’d ever felt. I’d had so many losses in my life. I didn’t know if I could stand another.

Just as I closed the door behind me, I heard a noise. Someone’s in the house! I held my breath, not daring to move. There was the noise again, a tinny jingling, like the sound a charm bracelet makes when you wave your arm. It got closer. Spanky walked into the room, dragging his leash behind him.

“I’ve been looking all over creation for you!” I cried out, not believing my eyes. Spanky let out a long yawn, then wiped the sleep out of his eyes the way he always did after a nap. I fell to the floor and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his shaggy fur.

Most folks don’t like the smell of a wet dog, but this was the sweetest smell ever.

Soon, though, I wondered how he got back. How did he get into the house? Maybe I really am over the hill. Maybe I’m losing it, I thought. Spanky’s return remained a mystery, but I didn’t question God too much about it. I was just glad to have my dog back safe and sound.

Then, one night about a month later, a white car turned into my driveway when I was taking out the garbage. I’d never seen it before, but the license plate told me it was a kindred spirit: “LUV YR K9,” it read.

A lady got out, smiling like we were old friends. “I’ve driven by here so many times. I thought I’d never catch you at home.”

“Oh?” I said, curious.

“I just wanted to make sure your dog was all right,” the lady said.

“My dog?” Now I was really confused.

“A while back,” she said, “I saw a dog sniffing around the bushes in my yard. Well, I could tell right away he was lost. So I went out and looked at his tags. And there was your address.

“He got right into my car,” she continued. “Soon as I got to your house, he stood straight up in the seat and started barking. He knew he was home.”

“How did he get in?” I asked.

“You must have left the door open,” she said. “He went right up to it, pushed it with his nose and went inside. I called out, but no one was there.”

“That’s because I was looking all over creation for him!” I said. Like me, the lady was always on the lookout for a dog in trouble. Spanky couldn’t have been in better hands. “Thank you so much for finding him,” I said.

Yes, there are still those rainy mornings when my joints ache and so do Spanky’s. We start the day slow sometimes, that’s for sure. But I’ve never felt such earthly comfort before as I do from my dog.

Did I say that Spanky was a stray? That’s not quite true. I think God put Spanky right where he could do the most good–by my side.

Download your FREE ebook, Mysterious Ways: 9 Inspiring Stories that Show Evidence of God’s Love and God’s Grace.

Some Amazing Facts about Seashells

My sisters and I recently returned from visiting our favorite retired couple in Florida, aka our parents. We spent six consecutive days on the beach for about six hours each. (We take the beach very, very seriously–it’s practically a full-time job!)

I usually read books on the beach. My mom and sister, Kristin, meanwhile, love collecting shells. They fill their pockets, bags and just about any container they can find with seashells, then take them home and craft all kinds of beach-y things out of them.

On the last day of our trip, I got into the family business of collecting shells too. I’d grab handfuls of sand in the shallow part of the water and pick out any shell treasures. I’m so used to taking shells for granted, especially with the surplus of shell crafts being churned out by my mom and sister. But I couldn’t help but marvel at the shells I found. Some were no bigger than a chocolate chip. Others had intricate designs and patterns. It was incredible.

Read More: 7 Tips to Get Your Kids Outside

I was so intrigued by the shells in Florida that I decided to do a little digging about them online.

Here’s what I uncovered…

  • Shells are the protective outer layer–aka external skeletons–of mollusks.

  • There’s an entire beach of shells in Western Australia that’s over 74 miles long and more than 32 feet deep…in shells! It’s called, appropriately, Shell Beach. You can check out this natural wonder here.

  • Shells that open to the left are very rare. In fact, according to Mental Floss, 9 out 10 shells open to the right.

  • People have been collecting shells since way, way back in the day. A shell collection was even found preserved at Pompeii.

  • It’s unknown how many seashell species exist, but there are as many as 200,000 different species of mollusks.

  • Shells were once used as currency.

  • The perfect holes you sometimes see in shells were most likely made by predators who tried to drill their way in.

  • Shells range in size, color, shape and texture, and often for good reason–to ward off predators. Check out this conch shell that combines beauty and brains.

  • Pearls are a pretty miraculous feat. According to The Telegraph, “A finished pearl takes 15 to 20 years: that’s why a ton of oyster might yield as few as three pearls, and the chances of them being perfect spheres are, literally, one in a million.” Well done, pearls!

Soccer Star Michelle Akers: From Scoring Goals to Rescuing Horses

If you know even a little about soccer, you know the name Michelle Akers. She led the U.S. women’s national team to two FIFA World Cup championships and an Olympic gold medal and scored 105 goals in international competition, despite having more than 20 surgeries and playing three positions over the course of her 15-year career. Widely regarded as the best woman ever to play the game, Akers retired from soccer in 2000, having left her mark on the field.

Now the only muddy grass she’s stepping onto is at The Farm, her sanctuary for abused and unwanted horses and other animals in Powder Springs, Georgia. Keeping the rescue going has been a bigger challenge than any soccer match, but she has no plans to retire from this gig.

Have you always loved horses?

Growing up, I wanted to be like Alec in The Black Stallion. I imagined having my own black stallion to race off into the wild blue yonder with. It was my dream to have my own herd of horses. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m working on it.

How did you start rescuing animals?

I knew that after I retired from soccer I wanted to transition into horses and being a cowgirl. By 2007 I already had four horses, three dogs and two cats on my farm in Orlando. One day animal control and the police rescued an abused horse near my neighborhood, and I visited her in her foster home. I saw a sign-up sheet for animal control volunteers and added my name to it with the intention of helping with transport. The very next morning someone called and asked if I would pick up and foster a horse from a recent abuse case.

What was it like to rescue her?

I didn’t know if I could do it at first—face this broken horse every day. It hurts my heart to see animals suffer, but ultimately I decided I had to at least try. I thought, I’ll just do my best and see how it goes. Her name was Zoe, and she had been starved and was in horrible condition when I went to pick her up. I think she had been trapped in barbed wire. I drove her home and led her to my barn to meet the other horses. She saw them and let out a deep breath, like she could finally relax. I knew immediately I’d made the right decision.

And you nursed her back to health?

I did. I called four or five horse rescues and learned their strategies to re-feed a severely starved horse. You can’t just start feeding full portions right away, so I gave her tiny fistfuls of food every hour or so for 48 hours. I followed the advice of other animal rescuers, and although it was full of challenges, slowly she got better. It took two years. Initially, my goal was to put her up for adoption, but I decided to keep her in the end, because she had significant health issues and was so old—over 20 years, at least. It would have been difficult to re-home her. Zoe was so weak and couldn’t be with my other horses, so I adopted four pygmy goats to keep her company. They were inseparable. The goats often stood underneath her for shade and slept in her stall.

How did you get your official horse and animal rescue off the ground?

I did my own paperwork to form a public charity in 2007. I figured I could get the soccer community and horse lovers to pitch in. I fund the rescue through individual donations, grants and sometimes soccer camps, clinics and personal appearances. I also sell Akers U.S. #10 replica jerseys and other items from my playing days. It costs about $700 a month to take care of a healthy horse, so donations and creating other revenue sources are always on my mind.

What are some of the challenges of running The Farm?

When I first got started, Morgan Silver of the Horse Rescue Association of Florida actually advised me against it. She said horse rescue was extremely challenging, and she was right. It’s difficult to raise money. There are so many animals that need help, and space is limited—I have eight acres. It’s a lot of work: The horses need to be fed, watered, taken care of and cleaned up after. I can’t wake up one morning and decide to sleep in. Equipment is always breaking or needs to be replaced. The weather is either too hot, too cold, too rainy or too dry. But despite that, I love it, and the work is worth it when I see how these animals are thriving.

What does The Farm do for community outreach?

I try to educate the public about horses and animals and the need to support rescues and adopt from animal shelters. I also try to inspire and support community service for farms, animal welfare organizations and animal owners in need by providing a network of horse-and animal-friendly people and organizations.

What kinds of horses do you usually take in?

Most rescues go after animals that are on the edge of death—the ones who will die immediately without intervention. But nobody seems to go for the in-betweeners. These are the animals that won’t necessarily die in two weeks, but that could be dead in six months if their situation continues, if they are sent to auction or if a kill buyer gets a hold of them. There are so many horses who need help. It’s often overwhelming, and since I have limited space and resources, I spend lots of time networking with other rescues in an effort to help each horse.

What’s a typical day for you?

No two days are alike, but I always wake up and feed the horses in the early morning and again at three in the afternoon. Between feedings, I clean the barn and the stalls and tend to little things like fixing a fence or putting up a gate. I mow the pastures, weed-whack, buy and stack hay. I take care of Cody, my 14-year-old son. Sometimes I get a call from someone asking me to take in a horse, so I work with them to get the animal settled, if not with me, then somewhere else. There are never enough hours in the day to get everything done!

Are there any lessons from your soccer career that influence your work at The Farm?

I’ve learned that you have to be flexible. Rarely do things go according to plan—on the field or at The Farm. It’s those detours that teach you something about your end goal. I’ve also realized that when you do work like this, sports become less of a big deal. If I missed a day of training as a soccer player, it wouldn’t have been an issue, but if I don’t care for my buddies in the barn, it matters. It’s life or death. My perspective on what’s important has changed.

Do any injuries or health issues from your playing days still affect you?

In my life, I’ve had over 30 surgeries, so my body is kind of a wreck. I still get migraines sometimes, but overall I feel better. Lots of sleep, a good diet and staying hydrated is key for me. Nothing will stop me from working all day long and taking care of everybody.

You’ve always had strong faith. How has The Farm changed your relationship with God?

It’s broadened my idea of spiritual connectedness. Horses in a herd are connected. So are humans. When one horse reacts to something in a field, the others feel it. I’ve seen it happen. I believe we’re all—God, heaven, animals—connected like that. I know that when I lose a horse, it’s still with me and remains connected spiritually and energetically.

How can people support The Farm?

Donate, please! They can contribute on my website. It’s always humbling to get a donation, and it’s the most effective way to help. Every penny we receive goes toward taking care of horses and other animals, allowing them to live the best life possible.

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Sit! Stay! Diet!

I reached for a bag of cookies that wouldn’t do my expanding waistline any good, then looked at my chubby spaniel, begging beside me. I needed to change. For both of us. Lord, Kelly trusts me and I’ve let her down. Myself too. Help me. Show me how to do the right thing for us.

Several years ago I wrote an article for Guideposts, The Doggy Diet, which led to my first book, Dieting with my Dog. At the time, I’d realized that both my dog and I were overweight. So I set out to change our unhealthy habits. We both lost weight and got fit.

Kelly and Peggy weigh in, side by side!Kelly has maintained her weight loss and is feeling great. I still struggle with maintaining those healthy habits, but overall have lost weight and made many positive lifestyle changes.

Studies show that more than 50 percent of our dogs are overweight or obese. This can lead to the same health concerns for our pets as it can for us–diabetes, heart disease, joint problems and even certain types of cancer.

READ MORE: THE DOGGIE WORKOUT PLAN

God gave us companion animals and has entrusted them in our care. We need to take care of them, and that includes keeping their weight down.

Here are six practical tips to help your dog get fit, from my book The Dieting with my Dog Guide to Weight Loss and Maintenance.

1) Invest in the best quality food you can afford. The site Dog Food Advisor is a big help in choosing the right food for your pet.

2) Ask your veterinarian how much food your dog needs. Always measure your dog’s food instead of pouring in “one scoop.”

3) If begging is a problem, keep your dog out of the dining room during your meal times.

4) Resist offering your dog table scraps. Especially meat fat, pizza crusts and sweets.

5) Substitute dog-appropriate fruits and veggies for traditional fattening dog treats.

6) Remember, food is not love. Love your dog with hugs, playtime, exercise and attention.

Here are some healthy treats both you and your dog can enjoy!

  • Carrots

  • Apple (no seeds)

  • Banana

  • Rice cake

  • Watermelon

  • Blueberries

  • Green beans (fresh or frozen)

  • Pumpkin

  • Dried sweet potato chips

  • Dried kale chips

Thursday I’ll share some fun ways to exercise with your dog.

Your dog can’t manage her own diet and exercise routine, so it’s up to you to make the necessary changes. Even better: Do it together!

Sisterhood of the Traveling Quilt

Quilts take a lot of time. When I started my current project, I woke up every day with new ideas and fresh enthusiasm. I really believed in the importance of what I wanted to create, and I had my husband, Claudio, to cheer me on.

But in the months since, things had gotten hard. I injured my shoulder and my recovery was slow. In the middle of it all I lost Claudio to prostate cancer. Now I was discouraged, lonely, and without Claudio’s support.

Facing down the half-finished quilt in my sewing room one morning soon after his death, I could hardly muster the energy to make a single stitch.

The quilt was meant to be a way to keep my old nursing class together. We’d graduated from Mercy College of Ohio some 40 plus years before and quickly dispersed all over the country.

After our last anniversary banquet, I tried to find ways for everyone to stay in touch, but nothing ever seemed to work out.

“You need to find a connection when you’re apart,” Claudio said after another futile attempt at planning a mini-reunion. “Something you can share at a distance–like in that movie The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

My husband made me laugh out loud. That movie was our guilty pleasure. Four friends manage to stay close by passing around a pair of pants that magically fit each one of them and gave moral support to the one who wore them in the absence of the other three.

Mailing pants wouldn’t work for my nursing classmates, but…

“What about a quilt?” I said. “We could all collaborate in putting it together, and once it’s finished mail it around to whoever is in need of some comfort.”

Claudio clapped his hands. “Brilliant!” he said.

I got in touch with as many of my old classmates as I could. Everyone who wanted to join the project was sent a square of fabric. They could sign it or write a personal message. Once I got the squares back, I’d assemble them into the finished piece.

I rubbed my sore shoulder and ran my hand over the unfinished quilt. Even after multiple surgeries, movement in my left arm was limited.

I missed Claudio and his comforting words. I wanted to have this quilt finished by now, I told him up in heaven as I looked at the pattern taped to the sewing-room wall.

There was still so much to do. Our class’s forty-fifth anniversary banquet was coming up and my heart wasn’t in this project anymore. With Claudio’s encouragement I’d kept at it despite my bum shoulder. But Claudio was gone now.

Working on the quilt was impossible with my aches and pains. Why was I even trying? I covered up my sewing machine and left the quilt as it was.

Weeks passed. I didn’t sew a thing. I marked the sixth month anniversary of Claudio’s death. It’s just an idea that never got finished, I thought one afternoon when I went into in my sewing room to dust.

Quilting squares littered the table. They were filled with colorful messages and notes from my old classmates at Mercy College. I picked one up: “Mercy sisters–friends forever!” The cursive was messy, but the statement was true.

I dug into the pile of fabric squares. “Friends are angels who leave miracles in your heart,” read one in cheerful, looping handwriting. “Love is the thread that binds us together,” the next read. Sounds just like Claudio and his traveling pants, I thought, smiling for the first time in a while.

I picked through the remaining squares. “A friend is an eternal treasure!” declared one in bold block print. “Peace and blessings,” read the one after that. “Quilts sewn by friends are a true comfort.” The handwriting was tiny and neat, but the message felt enormous to me.

I could almost imagine my old friends right beside me, whispering words of hope, love and prayer. Maybe I’m not as alone as I thought. Suddenly my project no longer felt so daunting. No time to waste. I uncovered my sewing machine and got to work.

I arrived at our forty-fifth anniversary banquet equipped with pictures of the finished quilt. The ladies oohed and aahed as the photos went from hand to hand, one dear friend to another.

I couldn’t wait for them to hold the real thing, for them to be wrapped in the comfort of old friends, just like I had been when I needed it most.

“Who will you send the quilt to first?” a classmate asked.

“Second,” I said. “It’s already done its job once.” No matter the distance, whether it was from heaven or clear across the country, Claudio and my angel friends would always be there for me in spirit.

Download your FREE ebook, Angel Sightings: 7 Inspirational Stories About Heavenly Angels and Everyday Angels on Earth.

Simple Joys of Time with Family

My husband and I made a whirlwind trip to Florida this week. It was a 10-hour drive each way, and we were only there for a long weekend, but it was worth it to spend time with family and to celebrate our grandson’s birthday.

I arrived home tired but with a full heart. Our grandbabies range from almost 8 to 3 years old. I know the day will come when they’ll be too old to greet me with excited shouts of “Grandmama!” But for now, I’m loving the feeling of little arms clamped around my neck and heads tucked in close for hugs.

I love still-snuggly-from-sleep little ones crawling in bed with me in the mornings for some cuddle time and then gathering there again to read before bedtime. That’s one of my favorite things ever.

While in Florida, I soaked up the moments of our time on the beach, watching the little ones play and splashing in the water with them. And I enjoyed the sweetness of watching my adult children enjoy their children, making memories to last a lifetime.

It melts my heart how the cousins love each other. Their joy at being together is evident in every moment and every picture. I think they squeeze each moment as much as I do.

My husband Paul and I love sitting with our sons and daughters-in-law at night after the children have gone to bed, talking about what’s going on in their lives, about God and about their babies. That time together is extra precious now that they’re all grown and gone. I cherish those moments when we’re all under one roof.

Simple days filled with life, love and laughter. Each moment is a blessing from a loving God who wove our lives together—and a reminder that family is one of God’s best gifts ever.

She Turned to God for Help Finding Mr. Right

I pulled myself onto the bathroom coun­ter so I could see my face in the mir­ror close-up. Red-rimmed eyes. Runny nose. Cheeks streaked with mascara. The next time you get to thinking you want a man in your life, I told myself, remem­ber this. Remember how miserable you are.

I held up my bare fin­ger, the one that had once boasted a gorgeous dia­mond ring. Divorced. For the second time. I was a woman of accomplish­ment, a school principal. Mother to two beautiful girls. Yet I was a magnet for men who were not what they seemed. Why couldn’t I get marriage right?

That morning, my law­yer had called to tell me my divorce was finalized. I had known it was com­ing, but the emotions that boiled up surprised me. Anger. Shame. Con­fusion. I didn’t want the girls to see me like this. I dropped them off at my sitter’s house. Then I retreated to my bathroom and proceeded to have an epic pity party.

“God, do you even love me?” I choked out. “How could you let this happen to me again? Don’t you care about my children? Our happiness?”

I’d grown up in New York City, raised by strict parents of Jamaican and Portuguese descent. They in­stilled in my four siblings and me the importance of using our God-given abilities to succeed in life.

My moth­er was a nurse, with a side business as a cake baker and designer. My fa­ther owned a construction company and used his basement barbershop to minister to young men. We kids were expected to be just as driven. I pushed myself to excel in everything I did—academics, piano, art. Marriage and family were sacred. Divorce was something spoken of only in whispers.

In college, I fell in love with litera­ture and writing. I earned a master’s degree in education and got hired to teach sixth grade for a school district on Long Island, on top of teaching art at an inner-city school.

I often got assigned the kids the oth­er teachers had given up on. The prob­lem students. But I discovered I had a talent for keeping them engaged, motivated. I mentored several stu­dents outside the classroom and got involved in citywide programs. That’s how I met Husband No. 1. He worked for the New York City mayor’s office. Smart, motivated, handsome. And he had Caribbean roots like mine. That confirmed he was the one. I didn’t even have to pray on it. We married.

Then I discovered how little we ac­tually had in common. Like the fact that he was a smoker and didn’t ex­ercise, while I loved in-line skating. We were opposites in our approach to handling finances and emotions. He had zero interest in praying or read­ing the Bible together. Our first year of marriage, I got pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl we named Zaji. Par­enthood didn’t bring us any closer. We divorced a year later.

My parents were supportive, but there was no hiding their disappoint­ment. I threw myself into my work and made plans to pursue a doctorate, re­cruited by Arizona State for an inten­sive program. Meanwhile, I mentored new teachers in New York City. That’s how I met Husband No. 2. I knew the pitfalls to look out for by then. He was regimented, financially responsible, raised in the church. And the way he folded laundry made me melt.

“He’s amazing!” I gushed to God one night. I wasn’t asking for confir­mation exactly, but it sure felt right.

I got accepted into the ASU pro­gram. Neither of us realized how demanding the program would be. I got pregnant and had our daughter Kesia. Raising two children added to the strain. I graduated and found a job as an assistant principal at a school an hour from our home. Zaji cried ev­ery day when I left for work.

In time, I learned my husband and I had dif­ferent ideas about parenting and dis­cipline. We stayed together for five years, but in the end, it was clear we couldn’t go on. That’s how I ended up with a second failed marriage.

I stared in the bathroom mirror at my tear-stained reflection and shook my head. It was obvious I couldn’t trust my own instincts. “God, what should I do?” I said. “Write it in crayon for me.” I needed the answer spelled out so clearly that a first grader would understand it.

The previous few weeks, I’d been going to a seminar for single people at my church, led by a guest pastor from the Bahamas. His words came to me now: “Work on yourself.” “Start with your relationship with God.” “Be whole and seek whole people.”

Scanning the room, I found a big brown paper bag that was sticking out of my purse. I hopped down from the counter and snatched it up, then found an eyeliner pencil. Not a crayon but close enough. One by one I listed the things I wanted to work on:

1. Develop a consistent prayer life.
2. Connect more intentionally with my children.
3. Learn to date myself.

A total of 11 items.

Then I heard something deep in my spirit: Just believe.

A sense of rightness filled me. I needed to follow the roadmap God had laid out, to trust in him more than I did in myself.

I turned the bag over and began list­ing the qualities to seek in a husband. There was nothing about looks or a Caribbean ancestry. This was about the kind of man God wanted for me. A man who truly wanted to be a father, who treated his parents with love and respect. Who had the highest integrity and was a Christian in both word and deed. There were 12 qualities by the time I was done.

In the months that followed, I fo­cused on being the best person and mother I could be. I spent a half hour each morning praying and reading Scripture, opening myself to God’s presence. It was like a protein shake for my soul, a great way to start each new day.

I established routines for the girls, giving them simple chores, limit­ing screen time and enrolling them in Sunday school. I also scheduled weekly game nights and outings to the park. It wasn’t easy being a single mother, but I felt closer to my girls than I ever had before.

I joined a gym and worked out regularly. Took up painting again, even entered local art shows. And I went on dates with myself. I would hire a sitter and go to a movie on my own. Or out to a nice restau­rant. I still felt lonely at times, but there was no longer a sense of des­peration. My life was full. I had be­come whole.

Nearly three years went by. One day, on a lark, I created a profile on a Christian dating site. A few days later, I saw a message from a man named Tony in my in-box: “Hi. Would love to chat!” He was handsome. Ca­reer military. Divorced, with children. Interesting, but I wasn’t going to leap into anything.

I messaged him back. We hit it off. “Would you like to meet for coffee at the bookstore?” he asked one day.

We wandered around the store on a Saturday afternoon. He laughed eas­ily, seemed genuinely interested in me. We gravitated to the section on nutrition and fitness, then fiction. He was looking for a book for his daugh­ter and asked for my suggestions. His thoughtful questions made it clear he was really listening.

We went to the coffee bar. The con­versation never lagged. He was a chief warrant officer with the Army. He had just come home from a deployment in Iraq. He asked about my daugh­ters and talked about his parents, his upbringing, the importance of family and faith. He didn’t have Caribbean roots, but I knew my parents would approve of his values.

Neither of us wanted the date to end. We went to dinner. A movie after­ward. Then a jazz club. On the dance floor, he pulled me close and whis­pered, “Just believe.”

Only after I got home did I remem­ber I’d heard those exact words three years earlier, that night of my bath­room pity party. Where was that list I’d written? I found the paper bag stuffed in the bottom of my closet.

I read over the qualities in a hus­band I’d felt directed to write. My pulse quickened. I could see so much of the list reflected in Tony. But before I opened my heart to him, there was someone I needed to ask first.

God, is he the one?” I prayed. “Help me to be sure.”

The next morning, after church, I waited impatiently for two young women at the end of the pew to exit. They’d been staring at me throughout the whole service. Irritating.

The taller of the two strangers turned and asked, “Are you married?”

What business is it of yours? I thought. But I said, “Why do you ask?”

“God asked my friend to tell you something,” she said. “I’m trying to convince her to share it with you.”

“Okay,” I said slowly.

“You’re not married, but you want to be, right?” the shorter woman said.

Anyone could see that I wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. This is your divine message?

The woman pressed on. “You have two girls who need a father figure. You’ve been praying for a godly hus­band, a protector. A man of integrity and honor.”

The woman kept talking, but I no longer saw her or her friend or the pew. I felt as if I were alone with God. “God has heard all your prayers, and they will be answered speedily. The man God has chosen for you, you’ve either just met or will meet soon. Just believe.”

The message could not have been more clear if it had been written out in crayon.

It was only after Tony asked me to marry him, four months later, that I shared this experience with him. By then he had shown he possessed every quality on my list and then some. We married nine months after our first date, on Valentine’s Day, 2007. Fourteen years later, I’ve memorized the list I wrote in eyeliner on that brown paper bag. I think of it as a love letter from the One who knew what and who I needed far better than I did.

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