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Teaching Honesty to a Teen

Posted on by Julia Attaway

One of my kids recently told another adult an elaborate lie. It was a lie born in an instant, in the hope of avoiding the natural consequences of following through on a commitment. I only found out about it because the other adult looped me into her response, so I would know how she was addressing what she (erroneously) believed was the problem.

I reminded myself before I headed in to talk to my teen that we are all a work in progress. Kids lie. One of the roles of parents is to teach them that truth is a better path. 

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I steeled myself for the confrontation, trying hard to speak simply, without anger. I was quite angry, but my feelings took a back seat because I needed my kid to respond to my words instead of my feelings. 

The gist of my words was that the teen would need to correct the lie and own up to the true situation. That didn’t fly. “Trust is only broken if the other person knows about it!” my teen snarled. 

It took superhuman effort to walk away; this was not a belief I had taught my children.

Day one ended in a standoff: my teen refused to apologize, and I refused to be complicit in a lie. Sending up a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit to give me the words I needed to say, I made it clear my child’s choice was how the truth would be revealed, not whether it would come out or not. We were not going to hide in lies.

Day two dawned, and my teen headed pseudo-cheerfully off to school. I grieved and prayed the Lord would reveal to her a way out. This particular kid goes into a shame spiral when called out, and we’ve had self-harm and even a suicide attempt in the past in similar situations. It’s truly hard to stand firm when the possibility of danger exists. But that is exactly when we need to stand firm in what is right and true.

Around 4 p.m. I received a text at work from my teen, who said, “I want to apologize but don’t know how.”

Hallelujah! Through the safe distance of texting, where there is a merciful pause built in so I could pray before hitting send, I coached my kid. The tutorial went well. I even got a thank-you for helping. This was both mindboggling and encouraging.

“I’m very proud of you for doing the right thing,” I texted, once the email had been sent (and I’d been copied, to ensure honesty), “It’s hard sometimes to take the better path. But being honest is, in the long run much easier. Humility is way easier than shame.”

‘It is,” my teen replied, “But I don’t know humility well. I am learning.”

Thank you, Lord.

Tamela Mann’s 5 Tips for a Successful Marriage

Posted on by Tamela Mann

All our lives as a couple—David and I have been married 30-plus years—we’d planned for a family. We planned to buy our first home, with room for all our kids. We planned every birthday and graduation together. But we didn’t plan for the day our kids wouldn’t live with us anymore. We never planned to be empty nesters.

With our careers as singers and actors, we’re on the road a lot (you might have seen us in a Tyler Perry movie or two). Then one day we came home to an empty house. Peace and quiet. It was eerie. I didn’t know how to live in a house without noise.

Both David and I grew up in big families. From almost the moment we said “I do,” we had children around. There was my niece Sonya, whom we took in when her mom died, and David’s daughter Porcia from a previous relationship. Next came Tiffany, the greatest surprise our family has ever received. (I’ll get to that later.) Soon I had David Jr., followed by Tia. Our lives were noisy and busy. If the babies weren’t crying, the television was blasting. If the phone wasn’t ringing, then somebody was burning something in the kitchen. Then we looked up and our kids had grown and gone.

Admittedly we had to hasten the two younger girls along. Every strong family needs to have rules, and one rule I was strict about was that the kids had to keep their rooms clean. Tiffany and Tia, well into their twenties, found that impossible. I told them once; I told them twice. Finally I laid down the law: “Girls, if I walk back in this house and your rooms are a mess, you will be asked to leave.”

They didn’t believe me. The next time I saw their rooms looking like an explosion of clothes, makeup and hair products, I was done. I asked David to tape a notice to their doors: “Evicted effective today. Please vacate the premises immediately.” That did it. Tiffany and Tia left. Now they have their own apartments.

With some marriages, couples get so caught up taking care of the kids that when they leave, the marriage leaves with them. Not David and me. Sure, when our nest first emptied, it felt strange for both of us. David asked, “Who are we going to take care of now?” My answer was, “We’re going to take care of each other.” Because our marriage has always been our priority. Before kids and after kids. Like I said, it comes down to following a few rules.

Teamwork makes the dream work. I learned the meaning behind that motto one rainy night in Arlington, Texas, 26 years ago. We were driving back from a visit with David’s mother, and it was pouring. Our windshield wipers weren’t working, and we didn’t have money to fix them. David was driving and couldn’t see a thing. He pulled over.

“Grab two clothes hangers out of the trunk,” I told him. He dashed out into the downpour and brought me two hangers. I untwisted the wires. I handed one to David and took one for myself. He hooked his to the wiper on the driver’s side, and I hooked mine to the wiper on the passenger’s side. Driving slowly, David pulled his wiper to the left while I pushed mine to the left. Then I pulled to the right, and he pushed to the right. We had to catch our breath at each traffic light, but we made it home, our arms sopping wet.

These days we sometimes have to accept performing engagements apart from each other. Most times we travel together, work together, prepare together. Pray together. If we start as a team, we finish as a team.

LOL together. One summer day early in our marriage, when I was pregnant with our son, we were driving and David stopped at a 7-Eleven to get something cold to drink. He knew I liked fruity flavors, but he didn’t actually know my favorite drink. So he came out with two Big Gulps, one for each of us.

I took one sip and almost spit it out. “What is this?” I asked.

“It’s got a little bit of everything.”

“That’s not what I wanted,” I said. Not very gracious, but I was hot, pregnant and thirsty. The next thing I knew, David took my drink and threw it out the window. So I took his drink and threw it out the window.

The only thing was, my window was still rolled up. The cup bounced off the glass and the Big Gulp splashed all over my face, my hair, my clothes.

We had two choices: Keep fighting or start laughing. We laughed till the tears rolled down our faces. And we haven’t stopped laughing. Be playful in your marriage. Have fun. There’s always something to laugh about.

Love keeps no record of wrongdoing. I can’t speak for all ladies, but many of us are guilty of quietly tabulating how many times our husbands didn’t keep their word. Sometimes we even fall into the trap of guilting our husbands for the things we said we’d forgiven them for. But I’ve learned to stop keeping score. If anything, I would rather keep score of all the good things David does instead of rehashing the bad ones. If God can forgive all the wrongs we’ve done to him, surely I can do the same for my husband.

One winter night when David Jr. was only a few months old, we came home and flipped on the lights. Nothing happened. David acted as if a power outage had hit the neighborhood. He couldn’t admit that he hadn’t paid the electric bill. I could have ranted. But I knew David was already feeling defeated. Why make matters worse? So I said, “We can go to your mom’s or just go to bed. We don’t need lights to have a good night’s sleep.” I wrapped my arms around him and said, “We’ll fix it tomorrow.”

When we got married, I vowed to be with David through it all, thick and thin, and support him during his low points as well as high points. He vowed to do the same for me. Thirty years later, David makes sure we have plenty of lights in the house—way too many, if you ask me, but I know he wants me to feel taken care of.

Trust in God and each other. There’s a great gospel song that says, “Turn your pressure into praise!” That’s what David and I try to do in our family—let pain push us into purpose. One of the hardest moments in our marriage came when we faced some unexpected news. It turned out, he’d had another daughter besides Porcia before we married, one he’d known nothing about. Tiffany was five years old when we found out about her. David and I trusted that God’s purpose was for us to be together and to parent the children he brought us, so we embraced Tiffany fully.

We are as blended a family as you can get. But you will never hear any of us use the word step to describe our relationships. Right from the start, I wanted to give Tiffany all the love she deserved. She hadn’t asked to be put in this position. She was innocent. Funny, talented and beautiful.

Not long ago, the two of us were in an elevator and a lady said to me, “Your daughter looks just like you.” Tiffany and I got a chuckle out of that. We don’t look anything alike, but what the woman saw was the real connection between us. The love in our eyes. The bond that couldn’t be broken. I think that reflects the bond of love and trust between David and me as her parents.

Learn to know your spouse, and let your spouse know you. Don’t stop learning about each other once the kids are gone. David knows me through and through. He knows what pleases me and what gets on my nerves. He knows all my quirks and exactly what I love to eat and drink (no more Big Gulps!).

Two years ago, we were at the Grammy Awards. I’d been nominated for best gospel song/performance. I was decked out in a designer dress and heels. People kept asking, “What are you going to say if you win?” I didn’t know. I didn’t think I’d win anyway. I sat way in the back of the auditorium, wondering.

At last my category came up. I heard the names of the nominees announced and closed my eyes. I was so busy thanking God for what the other nominees had brought to gospel, I almost didn’t hear my name called. I had to jog all the way to the front. David was supposed to be capturing the moment with his phone, but he was crying too hard. I started my speech at the bottom of the steps to the stage, trying to hold back my own tears and not fall in my high heels. I kept saying, “Thank you, Lord. Hallelujah.”

At the end of the night, I said to David, “I want to go to IHOP.” That’s right. International House of Pancakes. All I wanted was pancakes. And that’s what David gave me, even though he would’ve liked to put my name in lights.

Pouring syrup on that stack of pancakes, I was happier than a kid on Christmas morning. Because of David, who knows the importance of celebrating me the way I want to be celebrated, who knows everything about me, good and bad, faults and foibles. For the gift of my husband, I’m still saying, “Thank you, Lord. Hallelujah.”

For more inspiring stories, subscribe to Guideposts magazine.

Tamela and David Mann: 30 Years of Love and Laughter

Posted on by Brett Leveridge

Tamela Mann: Hello Guideposts. I’m Tamela Mann. I’m a Christian artist, gospel artist. I have a Grammy award, Dove awards. Most of all, I’m a servant. I’m a grandmother, a wife, mother.

David Mann: Hello Guideposts. And I’m David Mann, comedian, actor, producer, director, singer—most of all, husband, father, grandfather. We’re going to take you on our 30-year journey, the ups, the downs, the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between.

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TM: When we first met, actually, we were teenagers. We were in high school.

DM: 19, young and tender.

TM: My classmate had a class with David and introduced us, wanted me to come sing for them because he was singing in a group. We kind of start running into each other. And then, eventually, it wasn’t long after I started singing with him and the guys.

DM: But, you know, that started our journey of friendship, and which our whole relationship and our whole foundation of everything that we are as a couple is based on our friendship.

TM: Yes.

DM: And the reason that that was so important for us is because that base helped us get through a lot of the ups and downs in our marriage. And I always tell—as we were writing the book, I told her, “If we hadn’t been friends, we probably wouldn’t have…”

TM: You don’t think we would have made it?

DM: I don’t think we would have been together. We’ve learned to laugh at some of the dumb stuff, as I would call it. I mean, some stuff is just really not worth it, especially we talk about the art of arguing in the book is we stick with the issue. That there’s times when you can get going with an argument, and it just becomes—you’re arguing about one thing, and next thing you know, it’s about 10 different things. And those are rules that we set in our marriage like, look, let’s just stick with the issue.

TM: Right.

DM: And know that there’s some unresolved stuff. We’ll get to those later. But right now in the heat of t this argument, we have to stick with this issues.

TM: It’s not that you’re just arguing, but when you do have a disagreement, you want to get an understanding about what it is that maybe is causing a problem. Maybe I’m coming at you the wrong way and not saying it. Because a lot of times, it’s not…

DM: You would never come at me the wrong way. [chuckles]

TM: It’s probably not what we’re saying, but it’s how we’re saying it to each other.

DM: But our faith and our foundation is what has gotten us through, like, everything in life.

TM: We pray together, but not on a daily basis. I usually say a daily prayer where I’m just…

DM: Or a daily devotional.

TM: Especially, like, work or whatever we’re doing, we always ask the Lord if that’s our steps that we need to be taking, if our steps are being ordered by him, if this is the…

DM: Place that we need to be.

TM: Or business that we need to engage in or the personal we need to work with. It’s like the Lord is always in everything.

DM: So we have a full 30 years of…

TM: Our journey.

DM: Love, life, laughter, family, our blended family. And we wanted to put it in a book. So we wrote the book Us Against the World.

TM: Us Against the World: Our Secrets to Love, Marriage, and Family. It’s all about families staying together and no matter what, not quit and give up on each other. That’s our goal is to reach and to help and encourage other families. That’s what it’s all about.

It’s not about fame and fortune for us, but for other people to be just as happy as we are in our relationship with theirs and their families.

I finally got David in the studio to sing with me after all these years of singing with us together as a couple. And it was a lot of fun. But these songs are talking about each other and our journey, our love for each other. And again, just nice, good, clean love music.

Our single now is entitled Good Love, and it’s talking about that you have to communicate and listen to one another.

DM: And sometimes, we want to—oh, you wanted to sing.

TM: You want to sing something?

DM: Go.

[singing together) Good love, good love, sometimes we get stuck on our own outlook. Good love, to have it this way you must listen, communicate and listen to one another.

DM: And so that’s Good Love. And it just talk about your communication.

TM: So you can download that as well at any digital outlets. But it’s really been a blessing, the 30 years, how we’ve built our careers together. And it’s all been by the help of the Lord and our faith in God and us being faithful to God. God has been faithful to us. And that’s really all I can say, that if it happened for us, it can happen for you.

Surprises from the Pulpit

Posted on by Michelle Cox

My husband and I have made an unexpected discovery now that our sons are grown and two of them are in ministry: We’ve become sermon illustrations. As one can imagine, that can be a little disconcerting at times.

When the story begins with “My mom…” or, “My dad…,” Paul and I have been known to sink a little lower into our seats until we see what’s about to come out of their mouths. But most of the stories are humorous, and they’re often directed at themselves.

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In a few of their stories about us, our sons have shared something we told them—and often we don’t even remember telling them those things. However, it seems we did actually give them some good advice along the way.

But in a recent message by our youngest son, one of those “my mom” stories made me cry. As he preached, Jason told about a Family Circus cartoon I’d clipped and hung on the refrigerator many years before. The message of the cartoon had been that none of our problems are small to God, that He cares about all of them. 

That cartoon had blessed me, and I’d posted it on the refrigerator as a reminder to me—but I’d never even thought about the fact that it would impact the heart of one of my children. Or that he’d remember it 15 or 20 years later…but he did. 

I can’t tell you how that touched me the day my son talked about that in his sermon. You see, we never know what God will use to reach our children. And that’s a powerful reminder for all of us as parents and grandchildren. Our children might listen to what we say, but just as much (or perhaps even more so) they also notice those unexpected lessons from the little moments—from how we live our lives each day.

Lord, help me to be faithful in the little moments. Help my children and grandchildren to see You in me. Remind me that how I go about my daily life preaches a powerful lesson for those I love. Please keep me from disappointing them or You. Amen. 

Sunday Soup Pot

Posted on by Nancy Sleeth

We’d just moved to Kentucky from New Hampshire a month earlier, and I could barely understand the Southern accents—much less feel settled in our new home.

We came here because of my husband’s work on environmental issues. Matthew speaks to congregations about why it’s so important to be good stewards of the earth and it made sense for us to relocate to a part of the country with a lot of churches.

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There was another big draw: our son, Clark, had just started his sophomore year of college here.

At the time, I didn’t feel like I was being a very good steward of my home. It was a mess—we were in the middle of making some energy-efficient updates to our compact 1960s ranch, repainting and unpacking.

I missed those nice, orderly days when I taught English at the local high school and everything at home was neatly in its place.

Church was the one constant in our life, but that too was different from our church back in New England. Everyone was friendly, but I didn’t even know their names yet. I missed those good friends I’d known for years, folks who would drop in anytime.

Will I ever have people over after church, like we did in New Hampshire? I wondered.

Early one Sunday morning, I started a big pot of my vegetable barley soup while my daughter, Emma, fired up the bread machine. Then we picked Clark up at his dorm to go to services.

The small chapel was much more crowded than usual. About 14 Asbury College students crammed into the back pews with us. While the pastor’s wife played the invocation, I studied the students’ faces. They looked as homesick and lost as I felt.

We stayed for fellowship and chatted with the students. “How are your classes?” I asked. “Getting along with your roommates?” They seemed so appreciative of a little motherly attention that there was only one thing to do. “Does anyone want to come to our house for lunch?” I asked.

They all said yes—more than a dozen of them!

Emma looked a little panic-stricken on the way home. “How are we going to feed all these people, Mom? You know the grocery store is closed on Sundays!” I said something vague about the good Lord providing, but inside I was anxious. Would we have enough food? And the mess!

I cringed when I thought about the havoc of our ongoing renovations. We didn’t even have a kitchen table! Some of our dishes were still in boxes—and for this group, we’d need every plate and bowl.

Soon as we stepped inside the house, the family got to work. Clark set out stacks of plates and silverware. Emma sliced the heavenly smelling freshly baked bread. I added frozen vegetables and more broth to the pot. Soup is a very forgiving medium—you can always add more liquid in a pinch.

Fortunately, it’s a very thick soup, so it didn’t seem watery even after I’d thinned it out. And because I’d used really good, fresh ingredients, it had loads of flavor. The students joined us, and within 15 minutes we were ladling out hot, hearty soup and serving up hunks of honey whole wheat bread.

The kids sat in a big circle on the floor, laughing and enjoying a break from cafeteria food. Somehow there was enough for every­one even after some of the kids had seconds!

After we finished cleaning up, Emma whispered, “You know, Mom, it’s like the story of the fish and loaves. You just need to have a little faith.”

Since that day over a year ago, we’ve had a constant stream of visitors. Our house is no longer just our own, but it’s more like a home than ever.

Recently we had 30 students over for a creation-care meeting and a great vegetarian cookout. With less than an hour to prepare the meal, it was still a scramble to get the food ready, but I didn’t panic. And that Southern accent that gave me so much trouble? A thing of the past.

“Y’all come back and join us for dinner sometime, you hear?” I called out to the kids as they headed back to campus.

Try out Nancy’s recipes for Vegetable Barley Soup and Honey Whole Wheat Bread at home!

Strong Families: 5 Tips for Multigenerational Living

Posted on by Brett Leveridge

The D’Amour family is part of a growing trend. More than 57 million Americans live in multigenerational households, according to the Pew Research Center. With several age groups under one roof, there are bound to be strains. There are also ways to make multigenerational living a positive experience. Home Instead Senior Care worked with a team of experts to develop these tips:

Communication is the key. Before combining households, discuss everything from chores to bills to privacy. What are you concerned about? What are you looking forward to? Each family member should give their input.

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Be money wise. Does moving in together make sense financially? Home Instead Senior Care and Adriane Berg, author of 13 books on personal finance, created a calculator to help families make an informed decision. Go to caregiverstress.com/moneywise to use this tool.

Share expenses like roommates if the senior is of sound mind and can afford to contribute. “Write two checks to the mortgage company, for instance, or alternate paying the mortgage each month,” Berg suggests.

Make the home safe for all ages. Dan Bawden, founder of the Certified Aging-in-Place Specialist program for the National Association of Home Builders, recommends these affordable measures: Replace doorknobs with lever handles. Switch to low-pile carpet (easier to clean and safer for walkers and wheelchairs). Install grab bars in the shower and tub.

Set expectations and boundaries, advises Penn State’s Matthew Kaplan, Ph.D., an expert on intergenerational programs. Responsibilities should be clear—put them in writing, if needed—so everyone understands how they fit into the household. Think of boundaries not as rigid rules but as loving limits. Meet regularly to make sure things are still working. Be honest and don’t let resentment build up.

“Address issues when they arise,” Kaplan says. “Ask yourself, ‘What can we do to come together and figure things out?’”

Get the help you need. Ask adult siblings to chip in. If you’re considering professional respite care, contact Home Instead Senior Care at (866) 996-1085 or homeinstead.com/guideposts for a free consultation. The IRS’s Tax Counseling for the Elderly program offers free tax help. For legal advice, try the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys’ attorney locator at naela.org.

For more tips on multigenerational living, search intergenerational at caregiverstress.com.

11 St. Patrick’s Day Activities for Families

Posted on by Melissa Roberson

Looking for easy St. Patrick’s Day activities for the whole family? We’ve got you covered with fun tips that will bring you together and remind you the reason for this annual holiday.

Anyone who supposedly rid an entire country of snakes—Ireland in this case—is a saint in my book. But alas, when it comes to St. Patrick, that is a myth. And he wasn’t born in Ireland, either. But he is credited with introducing Christianity to Ireland back in the fourth century. And as Rick Hamlin’s excellent piece points out, it was a different model of faith. “Goodness sustained by prayer and love.”

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Read More: St. Patrick’s Miraculous Life Journey

Today we celebrate this beloved saint each March 17 and the whole day goes green, from clothing to cookies to the Chicago River. There are parades and assorted festivities all over the country. But what about in your home? What’s are fun St. Patrick’s Day activities for families? We offer a few suggestions that might entertain all ages:

Irish soda bread for St. Patrick's Day

1)  Head to the Kitchen Counter: Take 1

If your family enjoys baking together, try making Irish soda bread. It’s a quick bread, yay! No yeast required as the leavening comes from baking soda and buttermilk. And if baking together is not an option…well, you can enjoy eating it together!

  • Combine 4 cups flour, 4 Tbsp. white sugar, 1 tsp. baking soda, 1 Tbsp. baking powder, ½ tsp. salt and ½ cup softened margarine in a bowl.
  • Add 1 cup of buttermilk, 1 egg and 1 cup raisins (optional) and mix well.
  • Knead dough slightly and form into a round.
  • Place on baking sheet. Cut “X” in bread top and brush with 1 egg white.
  • Bake for 45 to 50 minutes at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
Family watching a movie

2)  Watch Some Irish Films

While the bread rises, watch some Irish-themed movies together. Here are just a few to get you started. They’re full of Emerald Isle wit and wisdom, magical forests, wily leprechauns and a pot of gold or two. Here are some St. Patrick’s day movies for families:

  • The Secret of Roan Inish (1994)
  • The Magical Lessons of the Leprechauns (1999)
  • The Secret of Kells (2009)
  • Darby O’Gill and the Little People (1959)
  • Finian’s Rainbow (1968)

 

Cupcake decorated with green icing and a shamrock

3) Head to the Kitchen Counter: Take 2

Cupcakes with green icing, you must! If you usually struggle to get your kids to eat something green, this won’t be one of those times. There are recipes galore but you can start here, here or here.

4)  Go Full-On Leprechaun

If your home features pre-schoolers, find some chocolate coins or treats wrapped in green foil and hide them around the house. It’s trick or treat, St. Patrick’s style. Or add some Irish to bath time with green-themed bathtub toys or rubber duckies. And while they’re asleep (if you don’t think they’ll wake up) try applying a wash-off shamrock tattoo or stamp to arms and legs. They’ll wake up delightfully decorated by leprechauns in the night!

5) Share Some St. Patrick’s Trivia

What do you really know about the legend behind the man behind the holiday? As we know, he wasn’t born in Ireland. And guess what? His real name probably wasn’t Patrick. (And I still wish the snake thing was true.) But here are some fun facts you can quiz each other about the saint of the day:

Coast of Ireland, Cliffs of Moher

6) Take a Virtual Road Trip

Yes, Ireland is very green. Full of meadows and grazing sheep. But it also features rugged coast lines, soaring cliffs, castles and bustling cities. Settle into the sofa for the most inexpensive trip abroad your family will ever take:

7) Absorb Some Irish Blessings

There are many Irish blessings but this is one of the most popular, often used at weddings or special occasions. Even offered as a prayer. Watch our special video version which serves as an online meditation:

And read together this lovely memory of a daughter on her mother’s favorite holiday:

8) Read Quotes About St. Patrick’s Day

The country’s rich heritage is not only in its music and landscape, but writers and poets as well. Among some of the world’s best. Here are some inspiring quotes to read together during your St. Patrick’s Day activities:

9)  Pray as a Family

Rick Hamlin offers some lovely insights to a famous prayer by St. Patrick that the whole family can read. It offers, says Rick, a sure guide to a rich full life, to security, serenity.

Making paper shamrocks or clovers

10) Make St. Patrick’s Day Cards

Your St. Patrick’s Day activities aren’t complete without some arts and crafts. Load up on the construction paper in all hues of green. Gather colorful markers and glitter if you dare. Trace out shamrock shapes and write out quotes and greetings for grandparents, members of your church, anyone cooped up at home or in a hospital. Keep things simple and festive. You efforts will bring lots of smiling eyes, Irish and otherwise.

11) Sing Along with Rick

As well as being a beloved Guideposts columnist and writer, our own Rick Hamlin has a nice set of pipes as well. Sing along with this Irish tune to wrap up a happy St. Patrick’s day with the whole family.

READ MORE ABOUT ST. PATRICK’S DAY:

Family Stories to Last a Lifetime

Posted on by Michelle Cox

Did you know that November is National Family Stories Month? I didn’t until recently. Sharing funny or sweet family stories is so much fun, and I always like to think of those memories as the glue that binds our families together.

My Aunt Bernadette is responsible for many of my best family memories, and I wish every child was blessed enough to have an aunt just like her.

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Aunt Bernadette celebrating a birthday with her daughter, Jeanne.One of the oft-repeated family stories goes back to the days when Aunt Bernadette was a Girl Scout leader. They’d taken the girls to rustic cabins for an overnighter. Aunt Bernadette woke up early the next morning. It was still dark in the cabin, but she eased out of bed so she could get herself together before the girls woke up.

Without any light, she felt through her belongings until she found her toothbrush and toothpaste. Plopping a generous dollop onto the toothbrush, she began brushing her teeth, and then realized she had a mouth full of first aid cream.

She twisted the handle on the faucet–only to discover that the water was frozen. Still in the dark and spluttering first aid cream, she frantically searched until she found her mouthwash. She took a big gulp–and then made the discovery that she’d found her Chanel Number 5 instead. At least she smelled great that day. Hahaha!

Another favorite Aunt Bernadette story happened at Christmas many years ago. She always bought tons of gifts for her four children and for everyone else she loved. Seriously, the stacks of packages under the tree were impressive. But one year as she wrapped presents, Aunt Bernadette decided she could remember whose gifts were in each box.

Um . . . no. But, oh my, that was one of the most fun Christmases I can ever remember as male family members opened bottles of perfume and dolls and women opened boxes of men’s socks and sporting goods. I have such sweet memories of the laughter that day as everyone tried to figure out the rightful owners of the gifts.

But the stories don’t end there. They’re woven throughout my heart and the fabric of my life. You see, besides many of the funny memories, Aunt Bernadette has provided me with stories and lessons about how to live my life.

She taught me how to bake a roast and make gravy, how to parallel park, and how to fold those oh-so-troublesome bottom sheets.     

She showed me what a real home was like–one where love abounded, where fresh-from-the-oven cookies greeted you when you walked in the door, where everyone received such a warm welcome that they felt like they were part of the family–even if they weren’t.

Aunt Bernadette just turned 89, and I’d like to say something to this special lady. “Happy Birthday, Aunt Bernadette! Thank you for providing me with enough love, laughter and family stories to last a lifetime.

What stories can you share with your family today?

Dear Lord, thank You for the oh-so-special gift of family. Help us to cherish the precious moments that You give us. As we write the stories of our lives, help us to remember the importance of family and that the moments we spend together today are the memories we’ll cherish tomorrow. Amen.     

Stars Go Dim Singer Found Hope Through Adoption

Posted on by Jessica Toomer

“There’s always a new beginning.”

That’s the message in the first major studio album from Stars Go Dim, according to singer Michael Cleveland.  Now in stores, the self-titled 14-track effort explores the power of hope in God, despite circumstances. Cleveland discovered the power of hope first-hand.

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In the early years of his marriage, the musician and his wife Natalie experienced multiple miscarriages.

“I’ve never had a worse feeling in my life then when those things were happening,” he tells Guideposts.org. “It was just devastating.”

It was also very confusing. There was no reason the couple shouldn’t have been able to carry a child to term. Both young, healthy adults, doctors were clueless as to why Cleveland and his wife continued to miscarry.

In 2012, on their drive back home to Kansas City after spending Christmas with Cleveland’s family in Oklahoma, his wife mentioned an idea the two had talked about while they were dating.

 “My wife said, ‘You know, I really think this would be the right time to look at adoption; is that something you’re open to?’ “I was like, ‘Absolutely, I’ve been open to this for years.’”

For the rest of the three and a half hour trip, as Cleveland drove, his wife researched everything she could on the adoption process in their home state.  They began taking state mandated classes, meeting other hopeful parents-to-be and forming a community of people to support them on their journey.

“Once a kid reaches three years old, their adoption chances drop significantly,” Cleveland learned while researching adoptions in Kansas. “If they’re a sibling set, [it’s unlikely] they’ll ever be adopted.” Upon learning this, the Clevelands felt called to adopt older children and hopefully siblings.

The pair thought it would be years before they could add to their family, but a few months after they finished their adoption classes, they received a call. Two sisters, four and five years old, needed a home. Their mom had left when the youngest was born and their father was in and out of prison.

On Father’s Day 2013, Cleveland and his wife picked the girls up from the foster home they’d been living in, went before a judge and, the next evening, brought their daughters home to have dinner as a family for the first time.

Adjusting to their new life wasn’t easy.

The girls came from an abusive past where they would often be left for days with no food and no one to take care of them. “We had no idea what we were doing,” the singer said.

At the suggestion of a family therapist, Cleveland and his wife came up with a way to make their new daughters feel safe, loved and in control of their environment.

“We gave them giant Ziploc baggies full of cereal that they could hold on to,” Cleveland says. “With most kids, you give them a giant bag of Fruit Loops and they’re going to just devour it. But the girls never opened it. They were so afraid that the next meal may not come. It just became this security thing for them.”

Cleveland’s wife took one of the walls in the family’s kitchen and turned it into a chalkboard where she planned meals for each day of the week. Once the girls began to trust that the Clevelands would be taking care of them and their meals, they felt comfortable and confident in their new home.  

Two years later, the couple learned the happy news that they were expecting a new baby. Fearful that they would miscarry again, Cleveland and his wife held onto the news for months.

“I don’t think I’ve ever prayed like that in my life,” the singer says. “We had gone through this so many times we didn’t want to get attached to a baby we weren’t ever going to see.”

Thankfully they were blessed with a healthy pregnancy and the birth of another beautiful little girl. It’s given Cleveland’s older daughters the chance to truly feel a part of a family unit.

“When we got them, the word ‘family’ had such a bad connotation to them,” Cleveland says. “We don’t really use the word ‘family’ at our house. Instead we talk about being on Team Cleveland, that being on Team Cleveland is a great place to be. There’s no getting off of Team Cleveland.”

And the musician admits, as wonderful as the success of his band and their music is, nothing measures up to the value his “team” brings to his life.

“I’m so appreciative and honored to be out on tour and to get to do the things we’re getting to do,” Cleveland says. “[But] other than Jesus Christ Himself, there is nothing more important to [me] than [my] wife and kids.”

Spiritual and Meaningful Themes for Showers

Posted on by Martha Williamson

The showers you’ll never forget will not be the ones where you got a lot of gifts but the ones where something personal and emotional took place.

I’m going to share with you three ideas that made memorable showers—two that were given for me and one that I gave for a friend.

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The Scripture Shower
There is a married couple I’ve known for fifteen years who are the essence of blissful marital happiness. They finish each other’s sentences, they call each other “pal,” and they have finally started to look like each other.

They have the incredible gift of still being able to amuse and fascinate each other after nearly two decades of marriage, two children, and many ups and downs in their careers. They surely must have disagreements, but they are obviously soul mates.

And they are the ones who knew instinctively that, more than material gifts, Jon and I needed wisdom and good advice from friends who “have been there.”

This creative couple hosted a shower for us where all the guests were married couples. At first, it did seem like a typical shower because the guests had bought and wrapped kitchen gadgets and utensils to give to us.

But the secret ingredient in each package was a slip of paper upon which the couple had written a favorite quotation from the Bible.

Everyone took turns sharing the personal story behind each scripture and how it had helped, encouraged, or guided them in their marriage. It was terribly moving to have such an honest exchange and to receive gifts that would truly last a lifetime.

As a result of that evening, Jon and I started our marriage with a personal collection of verses from God’s Word from people who had succeeded in their own marriages. Not only were they mounted in a beautiful book for us, but many of the scriptures from the shower became part of our wedding ceremony.

One is inscribed on the inside of Jon’s wedding ring: “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Wine-and-Book Shower
On this occasion, the hostess asked each guest to bring a well-loved book and a bottle of wine. Some books were new, some rare and used, some came straight from a friend’s own bookshelf.

As I unwrapped each book, the friend who gave it presented an informal “book report” to the rest of us, explaining why it meant so much to her and why she wanted me to have it.

There was a first edition of a work by Edna St. Vincent Millay. Another was an out-of-print book one friend decided to part with so I could have it. There was a beloved children’s book, a brand-new best-seller, a tiny book of prayers.

I now have a library of special books that I will cherish forever, each with a tender inscription from a dear friend.

As for the wine, we shared some of it while toasts were made during that festive get-together. The rest of the vintages went home with me to age and be opened on anniversaries to come, when Jon and I would make some toasts of our own.

Scrapbook Shower
I gave this shower for my friend Robin and her husband, John. I got the idea from the recently popular custom of asking party guests to bring a note or card to be included in a scrapbook.

It occurred to me that it would be a lot more fun and more meaningful to have the creative stuff go on during the shower rather than before. I bought a big scrapbook, plus all sorts of decorative potpourri such as stickers and ribbon, glue, glitter, felt-tip markers, magazines to cut up, etc. I also had cameras, film, and a printer.

Everyone at the party just sat around and talked about memories and wrote them down. We snapped pictures of each other, and people got creative in making their pages look special.

It was a warm and happy evening for all of us, and a marvelous icebreaker as people got to know each other while sharing the scissors! And now Robin and John have a one-of-a-kind memento.

Ideas to Ponder
When friends offer to give you a shower, you may want to suggest that they share the responsibility with other friends who are also hoping to host showers for you. This can help financially as well.

My friends did this, and as a result, I had three large, very different showers. They were divided into three categories: friends from work, old friends, and new friends. It worked beautifully. Each one had a very unique tone, and no one felt obligated to attend more than one.

I kept the ribbons from my showers and made them into a bouquet. I carried it, with all its memories of my beloved friends and their best wishes, down the aisle at the dress rehearsal. It has survived much better than my actual wedding-day bouquet, and I still treasure it.

Whenever I have hosted a shower, I have always asked the guests to go around in a circle, introduce themselves, and tell the rest of the group how they know the bride.

It has invariably become a deeply emotional part of the shower. At my own, I recall great laughter and many happy tears as my girlfriends reminded me of all we had shared over the years.

If you don’t have a Scripture Shower, you may still want to create a book of marriage-related scriptures to include in your ceremony or simply to consult over the years. Here are a few from our own book:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5,6)

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14)

We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

And now, brothers, as I close this letter, let me say this one more thing: Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about. (Philippians 4:8)

…Don’t urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me. (Ruth 1:16,17)

May God who gives patience, steadiness, and encouragement help you to live in complete harmony with each other—each with the attitude of Christ toward the other. And then all of us can praise the Lord together with one voice, giving glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 15:5,6)

If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all His commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God: You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock, the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks. Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed. You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out. The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven. The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to.The Lord your God will bless you in the land He is giving you. The Lord will establish you as His holy people, as He promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the Lord your God and walk in His ways. (Deuteronomy 28:1-9)

And the Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you in drought and dry places and make strong your bones. And you shall be like a watered garden and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not. (Isaiah 58:11)

I thank God for every remembrance of you. (Philippians 1:3)

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)

Write It Out
Preparing yourself for your wedding and your marriage is not just about the future, but about making sure you don’t lose the friendships you’ve developed in the past. Showers are one way of connecting with the important people in your life. They can be occasions when you remember good times as well as the troubled moments when you were there for each other.

But in this mobile society, not all of your friends can gather in a room to spend an evening with you. Why not reach out to all those who are close in spirit but far away in miles? Send an e-mail, send a fax, or send a letter. You can even have a shower “online” or a conference-call shower.

Remember, it’s not about unwrapping gifts, it’s about reaffirming friendships. It’s an important rite of passage on your way to your wedding. Make a list of people who may not be able to attend a shower but with whom you want to connect before the wedding.

Say It Out Loud
Dear God,

Thank You so much for my friends, for the memories we have made, for the tears we have shared, and for their support as I prepare to marry. Bless the times we will share in the coming weeks. Remind us that every good friendship is a miracle and that miracles come from You. Thank You.

Amen.