There’s a classic business management book called Managing Transitions, written 25 years ago by William Bridges, who was an authority on how organizations can navigate change. Reading it recently for my own professional reasons, I realized the principles in it apply to gracefully moving through changes in life, and offer lessons in how to see transition as a positive way to move forward.
Benefitting from the book requires readers to understand the difference between “change” and “transition.”
Change is a fact—in business, it might be a merger, a relocation or a shift in product offerings. It’s the thing that is happening, whether you desired it or not. Bridges calls change “situational.”
Transition, by contrast, is a psychological process. As Bridges puts it, “a process by which people unplug from an old world and plug into a new world. We can say that transition begins with an ending and finishes with a beginning.”
Bridges outlines three phases of a successful transition. Life gives us many opportunities to practice this—and it’s important not to skip any steps in the process, whether you are mourning a loss, moving to a new home, ending or beginning a relationship or starting a new project. The three phases Bridges shares are:
1) Ending, losing or letting go of the old way and old routines.
2) The “neutral zone” when the old way is over, but the new has not fully taken shape.
3) The new beginning, in which we discover new identities, new habits and, hopefully, a new sense of purpose and energy for the future.
Transition is the process by which we make a change in a peaceful and positive way. When done intentionally and with the knowledge that we must make room for the full complement of emotional and logistical adjustments that come with life’s “new normal,” we are more likely to arrive on the other side of a chance with a fresh perspective and a positive outlook.
Have you ever thought about the difference between “change” and “transition?” How has it impacted your life?
Three years ago, feeling gratitude seemed impossible to me. I’d just found the strength to leave a physically and emotionally abusive marriage while pregnant with my first child, and life as I knew it was falling apart. Then, I received the sweetest gift.
While at work, a package came for me from one of my vendors—a green journal with the word “Gratitude” written across the front. “What could I possibly be grateful for right now?” I thought. Then, I turned to the big “G” in the sky for answers: Google.
I scrolled through gratitude articles that told me why I should be more grateful, but nothing really resonated with me on how I could get there. So I prayed about it and that prayer led me to my daily gratitude routine I’m sharing below.
Overtime, gratitude has become a deeply-rooted habit, entrenched in the fabric of my daily life. Here are the four ways I make gratitude a lifestyle:
1) Write in a Gratitude Journal.
Every morning since receiving the gratitude journal, I wake up, grab my journal, and jot down something good. Even on impossibly sad days, or incredibly long days as a single, working mother, I find something to write about that I am grateful for, whether it was a neighbor who gave me a delicious cake recipe or the woman on the street that saved me from losing a glove. On particularly hard days, I make an effort to write in my journal more than once, just to remind myself of the good that exists in the world.
2) Be Present.
Once I shift into a mindset of recognizing the goodness all around me by writing in my journal, I begin to focus not on the pain of the past or the anxiety of the future, but the joy of the present. I take a moment to remind myself that time is a precious commodity and right now, I have another day to decide how to use mine. I inhale and exhale deeply and appreciate that I have breath in my body, that I’m alive, that I’m here, right now, in this moment.
3)Rethink Obstacles.
Obstacles can arise at any time throughout the day—personal relationships, co-workers, health issues or financial problems. But ever since my pregnancy and divorce, I make a conscious effort to understand how my obstacle is building my perseverance and growing me as a person. I’ve learned that obstacles can not only make me stronger, but also help me get to know myself on a deeper level and lead me closer to my purpose. With practice, I’ve learned to see obstacles as opportunities to grow.
4) Remember to be wowed.
After “mamma,” my daughter’s next word was “wow!” I spend a lot of time looking at the world through her eyes—new and fresh and certainly appreciative of little wonders. One afternoon, I was rushing into the house, carrying her, when she started kicking her legs, wanting me to stop—she saw a squirrel on the tree and wanted to sit and watch it eat a nut. So, I stopped and we sat there and watched. I couldn’t help but notice the delicate green leaves on the tree branches, how delightfully the squirrel was eating and how great it was to pause and enjoy that with my daughter. What a reminder that I’m surrounded by beauty. Now, I pay attention to the beautiful river I pass on my way to work and the small joys of being a mom. Through my daughter, God shows me that even my mundane mommy routines can be wondrous.
Some days are harder than others and some obstacles seem so impossible to overcome, but with gratitude and faith, all things are possible. And every day is a new chance to be grateful.
To help keep my promise to Jane Bigelow, who bought my first basket then most generously gave it back to me, I’d like to share instructions on making a pine needle basket.
Please don’t let the number of steps intimidate you! Be patient. It may seem complicated at first, but once you get into the rhythm of the weave, it becomes easy to let your fingers work the materials while your mind drifts off to other matters.
Occasionally I’ll work on a basket in front of the TV, but more often it’s a time to sit back and mull over a situation, or simply rejoice in a quiet moment. I find basketry relaxing, especially after a hectic day. Sometimes, the hardest part is stopping!
Note: There’s a link to a downloadable PDF of these instructions below, along with a link to a video that demonstrates the actions described here.
Suppplies
Brown pine needles (at least 6 inches long) from dead trees or from the ground
1 ½ inch piece of plastic soda straw
Scissors
Paper towels
Artificial sinew
Half-gallon plastic bag (for the pine needles and basket if you take more than a day to create)
Tapestry needle
Clear polyurethane spray paint
Pliers (to insert your tapestry needle through the pine needle coils when it is too hard to push the needle through by hand)
Patience!
Instructions
1. Soak the pine needles in water overnight (8-12 hours).
2. Remove and cut the caps off the end of the pine needles.
3. Cut a six-foot-long piece of artificial sinew. Most sinew that you can buy is too wide so you’ll need to split the strand into 3 or 4 pieces. Set aside all but one.
4. Fill the soda straw with pine needles. Then cut the ends of the pine needles so that they stick out evenly 2 inches from one end of the straw.
5. To start the core of your basket tie the sinew around the pine needle bundle approximately 1/4 inch from the cut end of the pine needles. A square knot is an effective knot to use.
6. Cut the loose end of the sinew to about an inch long and lay it against the pine needles.
7. Starting at your knot and working towards the straw, wrap the pine needles and the loose end of the sinew tightly with sinew, completely covering the pine needles with sinew for one inch.
8. Thread your needle with the sinew.
9. Gently bend the pine needles back around against the sinew-wrapped pine needles.
10. Pull your thread tight. Bring the sinew from the front of your basket, over the bare pine needles that you are adding and then on the back side of your basket. Pierce the sinew-covered pine needles 1/8 inch from where you started wrapping the pine needles. Pull your needle all the way through and pull the thread tight.
11. Continue curling the pine needles around the sinew-wrapped coil, making stitches every 1/8 inch. Each stitch should be made by bringing the sinew from the front of your basket, over the pine needles that you are adding and then piercing the coil underneath the one that you are adding on the back side of your basket. Make sure that you pull your stitches as tight as you can because when the pine needles dry they will shrink.
Whenever the plastic straw is in your way to make a stitch, slide it farther down the pine needles that you are adding. Whenever there is room to add more pine needles into the end of the straw, do so. Keep the same amount of pine needles gathered together, so that the amount in each coil is consistent throughout your basket.
12. Once you have stitches all the way around your basket, the stitches that you add will pierce your stitches on the previous coil.
13. Once you only have a few inches of sinew left, tie a new strand of sinew to the end with a square knot. Make sure that your finished knot ends up where the next coil will cover it up. Take the loose ends of the sinew and hold them against the pine needles. When you make your next few stitches, it will hold the loose ends in place to be covered up by your next coil.
14. Continue on until the base of your basket is complete. Whenever your stitches are more than 3/8 to 1/2 inch apart, add a stitch between them.
15. Once the base is complete, change the angle that your needle goes through the previous coil in order to hold the new coil at the angle you want it.
16. Keep working up the sides until the basket is the size you want it. Plan ahead and make sure that you won’t have any knots left to cover up on your last round. Remove the straw and let the pine needles taper off.
17. Once you only have three or four pine needles left, it’s time to end your basket. Pull your last stitch really tight. Then tie a knot (half hitches work well here) around the inside of the stitch under your last stitch. Then from the inside of your basket take a stitch to the outside of your basket through your last stitch. Pull really tight, and your knot will be pulled under your last coil. Cut the sinew off outside your basket as close to the basket as you can.
18. Let your basket dry for a few days.
19. Spray the outside of your basket with clear polyurethane paint to strengthen and protect it.
20. Admire your finished basket and give yourself a pat on the back for having the patience to complete your first basket!
Note: When not working on your basket, wrap the wet pine needles in a damp paper towel. Put the pine needles and your incomplete basket in a Ziploc bag and store in the refrigerator. The pine needles will be fine as long as you work on your basket daily. However, if you neglect your project for over a week, the needles and your basket will mold.
If you’re going to stop working on your basket for a long time, take it out and let it dry. Then when you want to resume work, dampen your basket and the pine needles for a day ahead of time.
I’ve written before about my abiding love of growing peas in the garden. A few weeks after I tucked those tiny seeds into the soil, I’m happy to report my plants are now between three and four feet tall and are weaving themselves up a grid-like trellis I made using garden twine and two anchor poles.
A few feet away, in a big patio pot, I have another long and winding plant—a vibrant pink and white mandevilla I have up against a short wooden trellis I recently painted in cheerful blue and yellow.
I have long believed the garden is full of life lessons, and this year these two climbing plants have been the source of something I needed to re-learn. You see, I’ve set both plants up for success with my carefully placed trellises, ample water and sunny locations. But if I skip a day of checking in on them, instead of beautifully vertical, splayed tendrils, I am confronted with a tangled mess of stem, leaf and blossom.
It’s a reminder that these plants are wild. They will attach to anything they can hold onto—even if that turns out to be a section of their own vine. Doubled back on themselves, they’re still growing, but they’re not quite at their best.
So I’ve incorporated an activity into my daily garden routine—I trace each plant’s vine and gently wind its trailing end around the trellis or twine to ease it toward growing in the right direction. Encouraging it to hold onto its most dependable support will help it get maximum sunlight and rain. In these optimal conditions, the plants will grow to be their best selves.
In the course of this daily ritual, I’ve also found I must be very gentle with the plants, taking care not to accidentally snap off a tender end in pursuit of a solid attachment.
And so yet again, the garden guides me down my positive path. I am inspired to encourage myself—and others around me—to cleave to the strong, reliable places that will bring about the healthiest growth and progress. May we not cling too tightly to our supports, but may we be surrounded by those who can remind us to hold on to what matters.
I have a birthday coming up and given that we’re many weeks into the social distancing practices required by the coronavirus pandemic, I sort of know what to expect.
There will be wishes of “happy corona-birthday” on social media. Perhaps a video call with family members (I know by now that the singing of “Happy Birthday” will be hilariously out-of-sync!). My husband and son will make a cake. We’ll put on our masks and take a family walk in the fresh air. I will make the day extra meaningful by making a donation to a charity I care about.
I will feel celebrated and loved.
But I will also have some other, more challenging feelings. As much as I am aware of how fortunate I am in so many ways, it is still unsettling to go through normal experiences like birthdays in new ways, in still-not-normal times.
Part of living with authentic positivity means acknowledging and embracing that full range of emotions, the joy and security of knowing I am loved on my birthday, and also the sadness of not being able to celebrate with friends and family, like I normally would.
So as I approach this birthday, I’m reflecting on three ways I’m hoping to make this birthday an authentically positive one.
1) Show Gratitude
I’m always grateful to have completed another trip around the sun. But now, as so many lives have been lost to COVID-19, I am especially aware of how fragile and precious we all are. Now, perhaps more than ever, is the time to express our gratitude out loud—for each other, for ourselves.
2) Do Something Special
Just because my birthday is different this year doesn’t mean I’m skimping on the cake. The thing about birthday cakes is that they’re special. Even if your house features cake after meals on a regular basis (lucky you!), a birthday cake says, “this day is different, this day is important.” So I can’t take in a show or head to a favorite restaurant on my birthday. But I can do something I wouldn’t do on a regular day—and name that as my birthday treat.
3) Make Space
Having been at home or very close to home for so many weeks, I have been beginning to feel like every millimeter of my house is a “been there, done that” kind of space. My thoughts are similar—when I joke about not knowing what day it is, or it being day 4,375 of social distancing, I’m really saying, yikes it feels like I’m just doing the same thing in the same space, over and over again. I’m looking to my birthday as a reminder to make space for something new. A new year of my life, a new way to be in my home, a new way to deepen the relationships that matter most.
We often toss around the phrase, “life is short” at moments both profound, as in when a person has tragically died before their time, or light-hearted, as in when we are justifying a second scoop of ice cream. But I will never forget the time when, years ago, a friend was struggling with a crossroads-of-life decision. Another friend encouraged her not to hang her entire future on this one single choice.
“Life is long,” she said simply. She didn’t mean this literally (if only), but she meant it to be a comforting release from the high expectations many of us set for ourselves each moment of the day.
The memory of that conversation came up for me recently when I encountered a famous saying of the early 19th century Hasidic Jewish teacher Rabbi Nachman of Breslov: “The whole world is a very narrow bridge; the essential thing is not to be afraid.”
At first glance, the quotation sounds negative and daunting. One misstep, and any of us would surely fall to our doom from such a narrow bridge. Why shouldn’t be we afraid? And how can we be expected to cross a bridge that’s the length of “the whole world,” anyway?
But to me, the saying embodies the idea of authentic positivity, and it speaks to the power each of us has to keep moving forward through what we pray is a long life that bridges many chasms.
Living with authentic positivity means following Rabbi Nachman’s advice not to be afraid of the narrowness of the bridge, nor of its length, nor of the uncertainty that might loom beneath it. It means finding the strength to keep going, to move forward along the bridge without fear that life’s challenges will blow you over its edge.
It also means letting go of the illusion that we can control the bridge, the wind or “the whole world.” Releasing the self-imposed pressure to widen the bridge or force the breeze to quiet means acknowledging and accepting reality as it is, and courageously placing one foot in front of the other to keep going, moving thoughtfully forward but not being afraid of needing to regain your balance every now and then.
If you start to feel fear creeping up along the way, remember—no one decision, moment or step can define your entire journey. Especially if you live with the premise that “life is long,” you will find the courage you need to keep going.
The holiday season can stir up sad memories for some of us. Maybe we remember when there were no gifts under the tree or a meal on the kitchen table. Or maybe there were family feuds that spoiled holiday gatherings, or as a kid, we divided time between being with either Mom or Dad. Financial stress can come with the holidays or maybe family members live too far apart to gather.
Or, it could be the first holiday season after the passing of someone you love. In our family, it will be the first time my wife and I have been without our moms. It will be a different Christmas without them to celebrate with us.
It’s OK to recognize sad feelings. There is no need to feel shame or to minimize and deny them. Yet there are some things we can do to alleviate the sadness.
Share your feelings with someone who will understand and be there for you. Remember that you don’t have to go to every holiday event or any, if you are not in the spirit. Write down why you are sad this time of the year. It allows you to process your feelings on paper. Pray and share your sorrow with God. Praying brings comfort and strength.
Another thing that helps is to express feelings of hope. Yes, deep within us we can find them. Keeping hope in our lives will get us through the season even when we don’t want to celebrate.
The hope of Christmas is the promise that God is with us in our fear, sadness, loss and troubles. Take time to reflect on the things that bring you hope. Stay in the moment and look for the people, things and experiences that bring a little light into your life.
It’s OK to feel down during the holidays. It’s what we feel, but it doesn’t need to take away the beauty of the season. Let us be encouraged to work through our emotions and embrace all the good that comes with Christmas. Hope can be found in the middle of despair, light in times of darkness, joy in troubled times. May the hope of God be ours this season.
Social scientists have long noted that many older adults report greater happiness levels than their younger counterparts. Studies have explored keys to this phenomenon, such as a sense of purpose, financial stability, relationships and optimism.
Invest in Two Types of Intelligence In an interview with NPR, Brooks highlights two types of intelligence that both appear to be crucial to happiness later in life. Fluid intelligence is our problem-solving ability, our ability to think creatively and figure complex things out. Crystalized intelligence might be described as “wisdom,” the library of knowledge and experience that we’ve each compiled in our lives. Crystalized intelligence increases in the second half of life, and though we can and should keep our fluid intelligence skills as sharp as possible, we are more likely to be happy when we feel confident in the gifts of our accumulated wisdom.
Let Flexibility Be Your Watchword
We free ourselves to experience greater happiness, according to Brooks, when we let go of the idea that we will be the same, with the same strengths, interests and priorities, throughout our lives. “Your abilities are going to change,” he told NPR, “Your views are going to change. The things you care about [are] going to change, and that’s good and that’s healthy. And that kind of flexibility is key.” Embracing flexibility as a leading value gives us new opportunities to connect with passions, skills and relationships that are meaningful to us in the here and now—and let go of the rest.
Do the Work Now, Whenever “Now” Is in Your Life
Brooks emphasizes that it’s never too early or too late to invest in your future happiness. He reports this from his own experience—he spent the quiet days of the pandemic writing the book as well as creating a “strategic plan” for the rest of his life. He says, “The point of the work that I’m doing as a social scientist is to not leave your happiness up to chance but to remarkably increase the odds by doing the work at 25 and 45 and 65 so that by the time you’re 75 and 85 and beyond, you’re happier than you’ve ever been.” You might find that even by taking the time to think about what intention you want to set for the years ahead, you feel a surge of optimism that can begin to steer you in a happier direction.
Sarah sat with her husband in the historic stone church. It was their second time attending a Sunday service. It’s very pretty, she thought. But Sarah was having trouble connecting with the sermon. And nobody—not one person—had said hello to them. This was the second church the couple was trying out in their new Connecticut town; they had moved from Wisconsin with their young daughters a few months earlier.
Suddenly, a flood of memories came over Sarah: of her girls’ joyful baptisms, the women’s group she led, the bell choir. I miss our old church, she thought. Will we ever fit in here?
Finding a new church home can be challenging. Maybe your family has relocated. Perhaps your longtime church no longer feels comfortable due to leadership changes. Maybe you’ve gotten married or divorced or you’ve recently come to faith.
A Pew Research Center study found that Americans cite the quality of the sermon and a warm welcome as the two most important elements in a new church. But there are many points to consider. Here are some tips to help you find a church where you and your family will thrive.
Do your research.
“The internet has made finding a good church much easier,” says Donald Thomas, pastor of Redeeming Grace Church in Cody, Wyoming, and author of How to Find the Right Church: A Complete Guide. “You can quickly see the basics: where the church is, when services are held, special events.” He says the very first thing you should seek out on a church website is the statement of faith.
“This is what the church believes,” Pastor Thomas says. “This is so important that if a church doesn’t have one, you should move on.”
Look at the church leadership. “Check out their educational background and ministry experience,” Pastor Thomas says. Listen to online sermons. “They can be very telling. It’s not only the topics but also the way the sermons are delivered. Can you hear passion and a love for God’s word?”
Ask people you know to recommend a church. The Pew study found that while many younger folks (ages 18–29) do use the internet to research their options, 82 percent of them were also likely to reach out to a friend or coworker. Only 54 percent of people 65 and older would approach someone they know for a recommendation.
Music matters.
Music is integral to the church experience of many. Anne Marie Rodgers and her husband considered several churches when they moved to Georgia from Pennsylvania, where they’d attended a Church of Christ for decades. They ultimately opted for a United Methodist Church with a strong music and theater program.
“We’re a musical family. It’s important to us that there is a pipe organ and at least one type of choir,” she says. “To us, this is more important than the denomination.” Rodgers is not alone in making a switch. According to the Pew study, mainline Protestants and evangelicals are the Christians most likely to change denominations.
Kevin Harney, pastor of Shoreline Church in Monterey, California, and coauthor of Finding a Church You Can Love and Loving the Church You Found, believes that a true Christian should be able to worship at any church. “But some music may distract you…while other music may lead you into God’s presence. It is a serious consideration. No specific style of music is more spiritual than any other,” he writes. “Some people are stirred to worship when they hear a hymn played by a piano, flute and violin trio or on an organ.” Others, he points out, may get closer to God by “an electric guitar, bass and drums being played as loudly as possible.”
Consider style.
This goes beyond music. Do you prefer a large church, or are you more comfortable in a small one? Though a smaller church can offer an intimate “family feel,” it may not have the resources to provide the outreach and social programs that a bigger church can. What about the worship service? Are you happier with a formal liturgy or a more informal atmosphere?
Keep an open mind on worship style, advises Guideposts contributing editor Rick Hamlin. He grew up attending a Presbyterian church in California but switched denominations after he married. For the past 40 years, he has worshipped at St. Michael’s Episcopal Church on Manhattan’s Upper West Side.
“It took me almost 30 years to fully appreciate the high liturgy, and before I was willing to get ashes on Ash Wednesday,” he says.
Set your priorities.
“Figure out what is most important to you. For me, it’s the sermon and the music,” Hamlin says, adding that there is no such thing as the perfect church. He treasures St. Michael’s vibrant music program, including its Jazz Masses and the adult choir, which is a mix of volunteers and professional singers. He also appreciates the diverse congregation: “We’re so blessed—St. Michael’s has always been a multiethnic community. It’s probably about 20 percent Afro-Caribbean, and now I see a lot more Asians coming in.”
Think about how you or your family may evolve over the next few years, Hamlin says. Will the church offer opportunities to make meaningful connections? “Bring your kids; let them experience the children’s ministries for themselves.” If you are single, you might search out a church with a strong singles ministry.
Are there outreach programs you want to be involved in? “Serving people is a big part of what it means to be a Christian,” Hamlin says.
Make the most of your first visit.
Pastor Harney suggests praying before trying a new church. “Ask God to help you connect with the people in this congregation. Appreciate the differences of each church and celebrate the common expressions of worship and praise.” Allow ample time for your visit. “Don’t just pop in at the last minute and run off after the service. Show up 15 minutes early. Wander around. Pick up some literature.”
Linger after the service. “It’s fine to wait and see if people reach out to you, but it is also okay for you to greet people and introduce yourself,” Pastor Harney writes. “Feel free to ask questions, to ask for a little tour of the facility or just to chat. Have a positive attitude. Be ready for good things to happen.”
Pastor Harney suggests visiting a new church for at least a month before even beginning to contemplate whether it’s the right place for you. “If you are coming from a church you attended for many years, don’t expect the same level of intimacy right away. Be patient. It takes time to get to know people and find your place in the congregation.”
Pastor Thomas also stresses patience. “If you’ve checked out the church and it hits all the right points, but you go one time and the sermon bores you—give it another shot. Anyone can have an off day.”
Also, avoid running away from your church at the first sign of trouble. “If you’ve been involved in a church for a while, it’s like a family,” Hamlin says. “There will be times when something or someone really bugs you. Ask yourself why. Are you projecting a problem of yours onto the church? Staying at the same place and working through problems can be a great opportunity for spiritual growth.”
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A number of years ago my family went on a mission trip to Costa Rica. As we walked through areas of abject poverty–tiny homes and shanties made of cast-off scraps of wood and metal–our simple home back in the U.S. suddenly seemed like a mansion. As we met precious folks who had so little and were still hopeful, we suddenly realized how truly rich we all were.
So even though it’s been a hard year for my family health-wise and in other ways, I’m still counting my blessings:
1) My Sweet Husband
After 42 years of marriage, Paul is still my sweetheart and best friend. He lives Jesus in front of our family, is available whenever anyone needs a helping hand and loves me more than I deserve. He prays for me and still holds my hand. I am beyond blessed that he is mine.
2) My Children, Servants of God
Two of my sons are preaching the Gospel and our other son is active in music ministry at his church. For this mama, there’s no greater joy than seeing them touch hearts and lives for God.
3) My Sweet Grandbabies
Each one is precious beyond words. They fill my life with so much sunshine, laughter and love. They are truly one of God’s best gifts and just hearing their voices or seeing their faces brings an instant smile.
4) God’s Word
He gives me guidance when I don’t know what to do, highlights areas of my life that need change and provides comfort and hope during difficult days. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve clung to His sweet and precious promises.
5) God’s Attention
It boggles my mind that the God who created the universe cares about what concerns me–but He does. I’m so blessed that I can go to Him with whatever is on my heart and know that He’s waiting to hear what I want to say.
He has blessed me way more than I deserve, and today I’d just like to thank Him for being such an amazing God. How would you like to praise Him today?
When he was a toddler, my son loved “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood,” an animated television show based on characters originally created by Mister Rogers. Each episode features a one- or two-line jingle meant to reinforce the social or emotional lesson it has to teach.
Our favorite—and the one I still use years later as a parent—goes like this: “It’s almost time to stop, so choose one more thing to do. That was fun, but now it’s done!”
I am finding myself humming that simple tune as the summer winds down. As summer ends, I’m contemplating how to let the sun set on the season from a place of authentic positivity rather than letting dread about getting “back to reality” steal the show and sabotage my bliss.
Daniel Tiger’s lesson is helping. Kids aren’t the only ones who have a hard time stopping a fun activity, and I am definitely on board with being bummed to say goodbye to local summer produce, the height of my garden’s color and productivity, the promise of vacation and late sunny evenings that were made to enjoy outdoors.
All of that is valid, and it’s also important to acknowledge as part of walking an authentically positive path. But having articulated my anticipatory wistfulness, I can now turn my attention to wrapping up summer on as upbeat a note as possible.
There are two ways I am doing this. One is by taking the time to focus on the positive things to look forward to in the seasons ahead (I promise, there are cases to be made that both fall and winter are the most positive seasons of the year). I’m also grateful for the back-to-school mindset that stays with me no matter how old I get, that feeling that some new opportunity to learn and grow is just around the corner.
The second way to end summer on a positive note is to follow my animated friend’s advice and choose “one more thing to do.” It might be an hour with a book in my backyard hammock, glass of lemonade in hand. It might be a walk in the woods while the leaves are still lush and thick. It might be making an impromptu plan for a barbeque with friends. Whatever I settle on, intentionally focusing on it as a celebration of the season I’ve just enjoyed is an invitation to bid it farewell with a smile on my face.
That was fun, but now it’s done. Until next summer, of course.
Dana K. White still finds it hard to believe she has earned the title “decluttering expert.” She used to be a self-described slob.
“I was completely overwhelmed by my home and the stuff in my home,” White told Guideposts.org.
White had always wanted to be a writer, but felt like the chaos in her home was holding her back from pursuing her dream. When she prayed about it, she felt God prompting her to write about the very thing she thought was holding her back—her messy house.
White listened to the prompting and started a blog called A Slob Comes Clean, where she connected with a community of readers who also struggled with managing their homes.
“I realized there were so many other women [struggling],” White said. “I had to come up with strategies to break through my irrational emotional attachments. I wear the title ‘Declutter Expert’ proudly, because I’ve had to do it.”
Her new book Decluttering at the Speed of Life offers practical decluttering advice for every space in the home. One of the most common areas White said readers struggle to manage is the kitchen. Here are some of her best ideas for decluttering and organizing your cooking space:
1. Identify and remove “Duh” Clutter
White recommends tossing items that obviously don’t belong.
“A lot of us who struggle with clutter really love to analyze things,” White said. “There are things that don’t need to be analyzed. I give myself permission to just stick stuff in the donate box.”
She says to view this tip as a “permission slip” to get rid of “duh” clutter before tackling the more difficult items.
2. Ask yourself “Where would I look for this first?”
White has found that asking yourself this question simplifies organizing a kitchen.
“When you come across something in your kitchen, what’s the first drawer you would open to look for [it]?” White asked. “That’s where it should go.”
If you’re struggling to imagine where you would look for something, White recommends a follow-up question: “Would it even occur to me that I have this?” Even if something is useful or valuable, if you don’t use it, you don’t need it. If it’s not an item you use or would remember to look for, it can go in the toss pile.
3. Eliminate unnecessary steps
White’s mother helped her organize her own kitchen and gave White some advice: a kitchen should be organized to maximize efficiency.
“So, if you’re at your stove, the things that you need consistently, again and again at your stove, need to be in the spaces around your stove,” White said.
4. Embrace the container concept
One of White’s main decluttering philosophies is an idea she calls the “container concept.” She uses this concept to shift focus from organizing mountains of belongings, to identifying your storage as the limit of how much you can own.
“Each space within your home—including drawers and cabinets and pantries—is a limit,” White said.
Once you’ve reached the limit of your container, you have to start getting rid of things.
“The key is to put your favorite things in there first, and then whatever doesn’t fit, goes,” White said. “That naturally sorts out what you need to keep and what you don’t.”
5. Consolidate
A common problem White has noticed in kitchens is an excess of duplicates. It’s a problem she faced in her own home—owning multiple skillets and other kitchen knick-knacks. The final step of the decluttering process is consolidating and getting rid of unneeded extras.
“Put ‘like’ things together,” White said. Doing this will allow you to see how many of each item you own. Then, using the container concept, figure out how many of that item will fit in your space and keep only that number.
White knows it can feel overwhelming to attempt to declutter and re-organize your kitchen, but she had one final tip for those longing to declutter, but feeling stuck.
“When you’re overwhelmed, the key is to get started,” White said. As you get started, you will see this space much more realistically, and you reduce the overall volume of stuff, which then reduces the feeling of being overwhelmed.”
